Michael Angelo Buonarroti | Page 6

but had been reading on down the page. "Hitty,
listen! It says--'Absence of pain in any disease where ordinarily it
should be present is an unfavorable sign.' An', Hitty, I hain't got an
ache--not a single ache, this minute!"
There was no possibility of quieting Jason after that, and the days that
followed were hard for all concerned. If he had an ache he was terrified;
if he did not have one, he was more so. He began, also, to distrust his
own powers of diagnosis, and to study all the patent medicine
advertisements he could lay his hands on. He was half comforted, half
appalled, to read them. Far from being able to pick out his own
particular malady from among the lot, he was forced to admit that as
near as he could make out he had one or more symptoms of each and
every disease that was mentioned.
"Now, Hitty, I'll leave it to you," he submitted plaintively. "Here's
'Dread of impending evil.' Now I've got that, sure; ye know I'm always
thinkin' somethin' dreadful's goin' ter happen. 'Sparks before the eyes.'

There! I had them only jest ter-day. I was sweepin' out the barn, an' I
see 'em hoppin' up an' down in a streak of sunshine that come through a
crack. 'Variable appetite.' Now, Hitty, don't ye remember? Yesterday I
wanted pie awful, an' I ate a whole one; well, this mornin' seems as if I
never wanted ter see an apple pie again. Now, if that ain't 'variable,' I
don't know what is. 'Inquietude.'"
"Humph! You've got that all right," cut in Mehitable.
"'Weakness.' I hain't got a mite o' strength, Hitty," he complained. "An'
thar 's dizziness, too,--I can't chase the calf three times round the
barnyard but what my head is jest swimmin'! An' Hitty,"--his voice
grew impressive,--"Hitty, I've got ev'ry one of them six symptoms,
ev'ry blamed one of 'em, an' I picked 'em out of six diff'rent
advertisements--six! Now, Hitty, which disease is it I've got? That's
what I want ter know--which?"
His wife could not tell him; in fact, no one could tell him, and in sheer
desperation Jason answered all six of the advertisements, determined to
find out for a certainty what ailed him.
In due course the answers came. Jason read one, then another, then
another, until the contents of the entire six had been mastered. Then he
raised his head and gazed straight into his wife's eyes.
"Hitty," he gasped. "I've got 'em all! An' I've got ter take the whole six
medicines ter cure me!"
Even Mehitable was stirred then. For one long minute she was silent,
then she squared her shoulders, and placed her hands on her hips.
"Jason Hartsorn," she began determinedly, "this thing has gone jest as
fur as I'm goin' to stand it. Do you bundle yourself off ter Boston an'
hunt up the biggest doctor you can find. If he says somethin' ails ye, I 'll
believe him, an' nuss ye ter the best of my ability; but as fur nussin' ye
through six things--an' them all ter once--I won't! So there."
Twenty-four hours later Jason faced a square-jawed, smooth-shaven

man who looked sharply into his eyes with a curt, "Well, sir?"
Jason cleared his throat.
"Well, ye see, doctor," he began, "somethin' ails me, an' I ain't quite
sure what 't is. I 've been poorly since last spring, but it's been kind of
puzzlin'. Now, fur instance: I had a pain in my knee, so I felt sure 'twas
hip-disease, but it jumped ter my shoulder, so 'course then I knew 't was
my liver."
The doctor made a sudden movement. He swung squarely around in his
office chair and faced Jason.
Jason was pleased--his learning had already made an impression! He
raised his chin and went on with renewed confidence.
"Ye see I was afraid my liver, or mebbe one o' my kidneys, was
hardenin' or floatin' round loose, or doin' somethin' else they had n't
orter. Lately, thar's been days, lots of 'em, when I hain't had no
pain--not a mite, an' 'course that's the worst symptom of all. Then
sometimes thar's been such shootin' pains that I kind o' worried fur fear
'twas locomotive ataxia; but mebbe the very next day it would change
so's I did n't know but 'twas appendicitis, an' that my
vermi-er-vermicelli appendix was the trouble."
The doctor coughed--he not only coughed, but he choked, so that Jason
had to pause for a moment; but it was only for a moment.
"I 'most had diphtheria, an' pneumonia, an' smallpox this fall," he
resumed complacently; "an' thar's six other diseases that I got
symptoms of--that is, partly, you know:--'Variable appetite,' an'
'Inquietude,' an' all that."
"Hm-m," said the doctor, slowly, his eyes averted. "Well,