Manners and Social Usages | Page 3

to mention those fashions and customs which we believe to be the best, remembering always, as we have said, that the great law of change goes on forever, that our stately grandfathers had fashions which we should now consider gross and unbecoming, while we have customs, particularly of speech, which would have shocked them. This law of change is not only one which time modifies, but with us the South, the North, the East, and the West differ as to certain points of etiquette. All, however, agree in saying that there is a good society in America whose mandates are supreme. All feel that the well-bred man or woman is a "recognized institution." Everybody laughed at the mistakes of Daisy Miller, and saw wherein she and her mother were wrong. Independent American girls may still choose to travel without a chaperon, but they must be prepared to fight a well-founded prejudice if they do. There is a recognition of the necessity of good manners, and a profound conviction, let us hope, that a graceful manner is the outcropping of a well-regulated mind and of a good heart.
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER ... PAGE I. Women as Leaders ... 13 II. Optional Civilities ... 29 III. Good and Bad Society ... 36 IV. On Introducing People ... 44 V. Visiting ... 58 VI. Invitations, Acceptances, and Regrets ... 66 VII. Cards of Compliment, Courtesy, Condolence, and Congratulation ... 74 VIII. The Etiquette of Weddings ... 82 IX. Who Pays for the Cards ... 94 X. Weddings after Easter ... 102 XI. Summer Weddings ... 110 XII Autumn Weddings ... 117 XIII. Before the Wedding and After ... 125 XIV. Gold, Silver, and Tin Weddings ... 133 XV. The Etiquette of Balls ... 142 XVI. Fashionable Dancing ... 150 XVII. Letters and Letter Writing ... 159 XVIII. Costly thy Habit ... 167 XlX. Dressing for Driving ... 174 XX. Incongruities of Dress ... 181 XXI. Etiquette of Mourning ... 188 XXII. Mourning and Funeral Usages ... 200 XXIII. Letters of Condolence ... 207 XXIV. Chaperons and Their Duties ... 214 XXV. Etiquette for Elderly Girls ... 223 XXVI. New Year's Calls ... 230 XXVII. Matin?es And Soir?es ... 239 XXVIII. Afternoon Tea ... 247 XXIX. Caudle And Christening Cups and Ceremonies ... 255 XXX. Modern Dinner Table ... 261 XXXI. Laying the Dinner-table ... 269 XXXII. Favors and Bonbonni?res ... 277 XXXIII. Dinner Table Novelites ... 285 XXXIV. Summer Dinners ... 292 XXXV. Luncheons, Informal and Social ... 300 XXXVI. Supper Parties ... 307 XXXVII. Simple Dinners ... 314 XXXVIII. The Small Talk of Society ... 320 XXXIX. Garden Parties ... 328 XL. Silver Weddings and Other Wedding Anniversaries ... 335 XLI. Spring And Summer Entertainments ... 343 XLII. Floral Tributes and Decorations ... 353 XLIII. The Fork and the Spoon ... 359 XLIV. Napkins and Table-cloths ... 364 XLV. Servants, their Dress and Duties ... 371 XLVI. House with One Servant ... 380 XLVII. House with Two Servants ... 886 XLVIII. House with Many Servants ... 394 XLIX. Manners: A Study For The Awkward and the Shy ... 401 L. How To Treat A Guest ... 408 LI. Lady And Gentleman ... 415 LIL The Manners of the Past ... 424 LIII. The Manners of the Optimist ... 484 LIV. The Manners of the Sympathetic ... 441 LV. Certain Questions Answered ... 450 LVI. English Table Manners and Social Usages. ... 457 LVII. American And English Etiquette Contrasted ... 465 LVIII. How To Treat English People ... 473 LIX. A Foreign Table D'H��te, and Casino Life Abroad ... 480

MANNERS AND SOCIAL USAGES.

CHAPTER I
. WOMEN AS LEADERS.
Nothing strikes the foreigner so much (since the days of De Tocqueville, the first to mention it) as the prominent position of woman in the best society of America. She has almost no position in the political world. She is not a leader, an intrigante in politics, as she is in France. We have no Madame de Stael, no Princess Belgioso, here to make and unmake our Presidents; but women do all the social work, which in Europe is done not only by women, but by young bachelors and old ones, statesmen, princes, ambassadors, and attaches. Officials are connected with every court whose business it is to visit, write and answer invitations, leave cards, call, and perform all the multifarious duties of the social world.
In America, the lady of the house does all this. Her men are all in business or in pleasure, her sons are at work or off yachting. They cannot spend time to make their dinner calls--"Mamma, please leave my cards" is the legend written on their banners.
Thus to women, as the conductors of social politics, is committed the card--that pasteboard protocol, whose laws are well defined in every land but our own.
Now, in ten different books