Manners and Social Usages | Page 9

these fashions have had but a brief hour. Nothing is in
worse taste than for an American to put a coat-of-arms on his card. It
only serves to make him ridiculous.
A lady should send up her card by a servant, but not deliver it to the
lady of the house; a card is yourself, therefore if you meet a lady, she
does not want two of you. If you wish to leave your address, leave a

card on the hall table. One does right in leaving a card on the hall table
at a reception, and one need not call again. An invitation to one's house
cancels all indebtedness. If a card is left on a lady's reception, she
should make the next call, although many busy society women now
never make calls, except when they receive invitations to afternoon teas
or receptions.
When a gentleman calls on ladies who are at home, if he knows them
well he does not send up a card; the servant announces his name. If he
does not know them well, he does send up a card. One card is sufficient,
but he can inquire for them all. In leaving cards it is not necessary to
leave seven or eight, but it is customary to leave two--one for the lady
of the house, the other for the rest of the family or the stranger who is
within their gates. If a gentleman wishes particularly to call on any one
member, he says so to the servant, as "Take my card up to Miss Jones,"
and he adds, "I should like to see all the ladies if they are at home." The
trouble in answering this question is that authorities differ. We give the
latest London and New York fashion, so far as we know, and also what
we believe to be the common-sense view. A gentleman can ask first for
the lady of the house, then for any other member of the family, but he
need never leave more than two cards. He must in this, as in all
etiquette, exercise common-sense. No one can define all the ten
thousand little points.

CHAPTER II
. OPTIONAL CIVILITIES.
There are many optional civilities in life which add very much to its
charm if observed, but which cannot be called indispensable. To those
which are harmless and graceful we shall give a cursory glance, and to
those which are doubtful and perhaps harmful we shall also briefly
allude, leaving it to the common-sense of the reader as to whether he
will hereafter observe in his own manners these so-called optional
civilities.
In France, when a gentleman takes off his hat in a windy street or in an
exposed passage-way, and holds it in his hand while talking to a lady,
she always says, "_Couvrez vous_" (I beg of you not to stand
uncovered). A kind-hearted woman says this to a boatman, a coachman,

a man of low degree, who always takes off his hat when a lady speaks
to him. Now in our country, unfortunately, the cabmen have such bad
manners that a lady seldom has the opportunity of this optional civility,
for, unlike a similar class in Europe, those who serve you for your
money in America often throw in a good deal of incivility with the
service, and no book of etiquette is more needed than one which should
teach shop-girls and shop-men the beauty and advantages of a
respectful manner. If men who drive carriages and street cabs would
learn the most advantageous way of making money, they would learn
to touch their hats to a lady when she speaks to them or gives an order.
It is always done in the Old World, and this respectful air adds
infinitely to the pleasures of foreign travel.
In all foreign hotels the landlords enforce such respect on the part of the
waiters to the guests of the hotel that if two complaints are made of
incivility, the man or woman complained of is immediately dismissed.
In a livery-stable, if the hired coachman is complained of for an uncivil
answer, or even a silence which is construed as incivility, he is
immediately discharged. On the lake of Como, if a lady steps down to a
wharf to hire a boat, every boatman takes off his cap until she has
finished speaking, and remains uncovered until she asks him to put on
his hat.
Now optional civilities, such as saying to one's inferior, "Do not stand
without your hat," to one's equal, "Do not rise, I beg of you," "Do not
come out in the rain to put me in my carriage," naturally occur to the
kind-hearted, but they may be cultivated. It used to be enumerated
among the uses of foreign travel that a man