Malignant Self Love | Page 9

mind comes up
with the most elaborate contraptions in lieu of answers.
Why should people indulge the narcissist, divert time and energy, give
him attention, love and adulation? The narcissist's answer is simple:
because he is entitled to it. The narcissist has an inflated sense of
entitlement. He feels that he deserves whatever he succeeds to extract
from others and much more. Actually, he feels betrayed, discriminated
against and underprivileged because he always believes that he is not
getting enough, that he should get more than he does. There is a
discrepancy between his infinite certainty that his is a special status
worthy of eternally recurrent praise and adoration, replete with special
benefits and prerogatives - and the actual state of his affairs. This is the
prima causa of the psychodynamics of the narcissist's mind. To the
narcissist, this status of uniqueness is bestowed upon him not by virtue
of his achievements, but merely because he exists. His mere existence
is sufficiently unique to warrant the kind of treatment that he expects to

get from the world. Herein lies a paradox, which haunts the narcissist:
he derives his sense of uniqueness from the very fact that he exists and
he derives his sense of existence from his belief that he is unique.
Clinical data show that there is rarely any realistic basis for this notion
of greatness and uniqueness.
Narcissists do hold high positions and, at times, are achievers with
proven track records. Some of them are respected members of their
communities, some of them even leaders. Mostly, they are dynamic and
successful. Still, one thing separates them from persons of similar
circumstance: the pomp.
They are ridiculously pompous and inflated personalities, bordering on
the farcical and provoking resentment.
The narcissist is forced to use other people in order to feel that he exists.
It is trough their eyes and through their behaviour that he obtains proof
of his uniqueness and grandeur. He is a habitual "people-junkie". With
time, he comes to regard those around him as mere instruments for his
satisfaction, as two-dimensional cartoon figures with negligible lines in
the script of his magnificent life. He becomes unscrupulous and
suppresses all the discomfort that he might have felt in the past
concerning his conduct. He seems never to be bothered by the constant
use he makes of his milieu. He seems not to mind the consequences of
his acts: the damage and the pain that he inflicts on others and even the
social condemnation and sanctions that he often has to endure.
When a person persists in a dysfunctional, maladaptive or plain useless
behaviour despite grave repercussions to himself and to his
surroundings - we say that his acts are compulsive.
It would, indeed, be safe to say that the narcissist is compulsive in his
behaviour. This linkage between narcissism and obsessive-compulsive
disorders sheds light on the mechanisms of the narcissistic psyche.
The narcissist does not suffer from a faulty sense of causation. He is
able to accurately predict the outcomes of his actions and he knows that

he might be forced to pay a dear price for his deeds. But he doesn't
care.
A personality whose very existence is a derivative of its reflection in
other people's minds - is perilously dependent on these people's
perceptions. They are the source of its Narcissistic Supply (NS). Every
shred of criticism and disapproval is interpreted as a withholding of this
supply and as a direct threat to the very mental existence of the
narcissist. The narcissist lives in a world of all or nothing, of a constant
"to be or not be". Every discussion that he holds, every glance of every
passer-by reaffirms his existence or casts doubt upon it. This is why the
reactions of the narcissist seem so disproportionate: he reacts to what
he perceives to be threats to the very cohesion of his self.
Thus, a minor disagreement is transformed in his harried mind into an
ominous sign that he is going to remain devoid of his sources of
self-definition.
This is such a crucial matter, that the narcissist cannot take chances. He
would rather be mistaken - then null and void. He would rather discern
disapproval and unjustified criticism where there is none - then face the
consequences of being caught off-guard.
The narcissist has to condition his human environment to refrain from
expressing criticism and disapproval of him or of his actions and
decisions. He has to teach people around him that these will provoke
him into frightful fits of temper and rage attacks and turn him into a
constantly cantankerous and irascible person. The disproportion of his
reactions constitutes a punishment for their lack of consideration and
their ignorance of his true psychological state. In a curious reversal of
roles - the narcissist blames others for