Malignant Self Love | Page 4

I do. In fact, they sometimes recruit me
into their fan clubs. As long as we feed off of each other, who's the
worse for wear? It only confirms my illusion about my illusions: that I
am no different from most other people, just a bit better.
But I AM different and we both know it. Therein lies the root of my
hostility. I tear you down because in reality I am envious of you
BECAUSE I am different. At that haunting level where I see my
illusions for what they are, the illusion that you too create illusions
collapses, leaving me in a state of despair, confusion, panic, isolation,
and envy. You, and others, accuse me of all sorts of horrible things.
I am totally baffled, clueless. I have done nothing wrong. The injustice

is too much. It only makes the confusion worse. Or is this too merely
another illusion?
How many others like me are there? More than you might think, and
our numbers are increasing. Take twenty people off the street and you
will find one whose mind ticks so much like mine that you could
consider us clones. Impossible, you say. It is simply not possible for
that many people - highly accomplished, respected, and visible people -
to be out there replacing reality with illusions, each in the same way
and for reasons they know not why. It is simply not possible for so
many robots of havoc and chaos, as I describe them, to function daily
midst other educated, intelligent, and experienced individuals, and pass
for normal. It is simply not possible for such an aberration of human
cognition and behaviour to infiltrate and infect the population in such
numbers, virtually undetected by the radar of mental health
professionals. It is simply not possible for so much visible positive to
contain so much concealed negative. It is simply not possible.
But it is. That is the enlightenment of Narcissism Revisited by Sam
Vaknin. Sam is himself one such clone. What distinguishes him is his
uncharacteristic courage to confront, and his uncanny understanding of,
that which makes us tick, himself included. Not only does Sam dare ask
and then answer the question we clones avoid like the plague, he does
so with relentless, laser-like precision. Read his book. Take your seat at
the double-headed microscope and let Sam guide you through the
dissection. Like a brain surgeon operating on himself, Sam explores
and exposes the alien among us, hoping beyond hope for a respectable
tumour but finding instead each and every cell teaming with the same
resistant virus. The operation is long and tedious, and at times
frightening and hard to believe. Read on. The parts exposed are as they
are, despite what may seem hyperbolic or far-fetched. Their validity
might not hit home until later, when coupled with memories of past
events and experiences.
I am, as I said, my own worst nightmare. True, the world is replete with
my contributions, and I am lots of fun to be around. And true, most
contributions like mine are not the result of troubled souls. But many
more than you might want to believe are. And if by chance you get
caught in my Web, I can make your life a living hell. But remember
this. I am in that Web too. The difference between you and me is that

you can get out.
Ken Heilbrunn, M.D.
Seattle, Washington, USA
I N T R O D U C T I O N
The Habitual Identity
Warning and Disclaimer
The contents of this book are not meant to substitute for professional
help and counselling. The readers are discouraged from using it for
diagnostic or therapeutic ends. The diagnosis and treatment of the
Narcissistic Personality Disorder can only be done by professionals
specifically trained and qualified to do so - which the author is not. The
author is NOT a mental health professional, though he is certified in
Mental Health Counselling Techniques.
In a famous experiment, students were asked to take a lemon home and
to grow used to it. Three days later, they were able to single out "their"
lemon from a pile of rather similar ones. They seemed to have bonded.
Is this the true meaning of love, bonding, coupling? Do we simply get
used to other human beings, pets, or objects?
Habit forming in humans is reflexive. We change ourselves and our
environment in order to attain maximum comfort and well-being. It is
the effort that goes into these adaptive processes that forms a habit.
Habits are intended to prevent us from constant experimentation and
risk taking. The greater our well-being, the better we function and the
longer we survive.
Actually, when we get used to something or to someone - we really get
used to ourselves.