Magic | Page 9

more important than knowing how a thing is done.
MORRIS. And what's that?
CONJURER. Knowing how to do it.
MORRIS. [Becoming nasal again in anger.] That's so, eh? Being the high-toned conjurer because you can't any longer take all the sidewalk as a fairy.
PATRICIA. [Crossing the room and speaking seriously to her brother.] Really, Morris, you are very rude. And it's quite ridiculous to be rude. This gentleman was only practising some tricks by himself in the garden. [With a certain dignity.] If there was any mistake, it was mine. Come, shake hands, or whatever men do when they apologize. Don't be silly. He won't turn you into a bowl of goldfish.
MORRIS. [Reluctantly.] Well, I guess that's so. [Offering his hand.] Shake. [They shake hands.] And you won't turn me into a bowl of goldfish anyhow, Professor. I understand that when you do produce a bowl of goldfish, they are generally slips of carrot. That is so, Professor?
CONJURER. [Sharply.] Yes. [Produces a bowl of goldfish from his tail pockets and holds it under the other's nose.] Judge for yourself.
MORRIS. [In monstrous excitement.] Very good! Very good! But I know how that's done--I know how that's done. You have an india-rubber cap, you know, or cover....
CONJURER. Yes.
[Goes back gloomily to his table and sits on it, picking up a pack of cards and balancing it in his hand.
MORRIS. Ah, most mysteries are tolerably plain if you know the apparatus. [Enter DOCTOR and SMITH, talking with grave faces, but growing silent as they reach the group.] I guess I wish we had all the old apparatus of all the old Priests and Prophets since the beginning of the world. I guess most of the old miracles and that were a matter of just panel and wires.
CONJURER. I don't quite understand you. What old apparatus do you want so much?
MORRIS. [Breaking out with all the frenzy of the young free-thinker.] Well, sir, I just want that old apparatus that turned rods into snakes. I want those smart appliances, sir, that brought water out of a rock when old man Moses chose to hit it. I guess it's a pity we've lost the machinery. I would like to have those old conjurers here that called themselves Patriarchs and Prophets in your precious Bible....
PATRICIA. Morris, you mustn't talk like that.
MORRIS. Well, I don't believe in religion....
DOCTOR. [Aside.] Hush, hush. Nobody but women believe in religion.
PATRICIA. [Humorously.] I think this is a fitting opportunity to show you another ancient conjuring trick.
DOCTOR. Which one is that?
PATRICIA. The Vanishing Lady!
[Exit PATRICIA.
SMITH. There is one part of their old apparatus I regret especially being lost.
MORRIS. [Still excited.] Yes!
SMITH. The apparatus for writing the Book of Job.
MORRIS. Well, well, they didn't know everything in those old times.
SMITH. No, and in those old times they knew they didn't. [Dreamily.] Where shall wisdom be found, and what is the place of understanding?
CONJURER. Somewhere in America, I believe.
SMITH. [Still dreamily.] Man knoweth not the price thereof; neither is it found in the land of the living. The deep sayeth it is not in me, the sea sayeth it is not with me. Death and destruction say we have heard tell of it. God understandeth the way thereof and He knoweth the place thereof. For He looketh to the ends of the earth and seeth under the whole Heaven. But to man He hath said: Behold the fear of the Lord that is wisdom, and to depart from evil is understanding. [Turns suddenly to the DOCTOR.] How's that for Agnosticism, Dr. Grimthorpe? What a pity that apparatus is lost.
MORRIS. Well, you may just smile how you choose, I reckon. But I say the Conjurer here could be the biggest man in the big blessed centuries if he could just show us how the Holy old tricks were done. We must say this for old man Moses, that he was in advance of his time. When he did the old tricks they were new tricks. He got the pull on the public. He could do his tricks before grown men, great bearded fighting men who could win battles and sing Psalms. But this modern conjuring is all behind the times. That's why they only do it with schoolboys. There isn't a trick on that table I don't know. The whole trade's as dead as mutton; and not half so satisfying. Why he [pointing to the CONJURER] brought out a bowl of goldfish just now--an old trick that anybody could do.
CONJURER. Oh, I quite agree. The apparatus is perfectly simple. By the way, let me have a look at those goldfish of yours, will you?
MORRIS. [Angrily.] I'm not a paid play-actor come here to conjure. I'm not here to do stale tricks; I'm here to see through 'em. I say it's an old trick and....
CONJURER. True. But as you