Lysistrata | Page 9

that you wrought my
wife; Well, the other night in fervour of a dance Her clasp broke open.
Now I'm off for Salamis; If you've the leisure, would you go tonight
And stick a bolt-pin into her opened clasp." Another goes to a cobbler;
a soldierly fellow, Always standing up erect, and says to him, "Cobbler,
a sandal-strap of my wife's pinches her, Hurts her little toe in a place
where she's sensitive. Come at noon and see if you can stretch out
wider This thing that troubles her, loosen its tightness." And so you
view the result. Observe my case-- I, a magistrate, come here to draw
Money to buy oar-blades, and what happens? The women slam the
door full in my face. But standing still's no use. Bring me a crowbar,
And I'll chastise this their impertinence. What do you gape at, wretch,
with dazzled eyes? Peering for a tavern, I suppose. Come, force the
gates with crowbars, prise them apart! I'll prise away myself too....
(LYSISTRATA _appears._)
LYSISTRATA
Stop this banging. I'm coming of my own accord.... Why bars? It is not
bars we need but common sense.
MAGISTRATE
Indeed, you slut! Where is the archer now? Arrest this woman, tie her
hands behind.
LYSISTRATA
If he brushes me with a finger, by Artemis, The public menial, he'll be
sorry for it.
MAGISTRATE
Are you afraid? Grab her about the middle. Two of you then, lay hands
on her and end it.

CALONICE
By Pandrosos I if your hand touches her I'll spread you out and trample
on your guts.
MAGISTRATE
My guts! Where is the other archer gone? Bind that minx there who
talks so prettily.
MYRRHINE
By Phosphor, if your hand moves out her way You'd better have a
surgeon somewhere handy.
MAGISTRATE
You too! Where is that archer? Take that woman. I'll put a stop to these
surprise-parties.
STRATYLLIS
By the Tauric Artemis, one inch nearer My fingers, and it's a bald man
that'll be yelling.
MAGISTRATE
Tut tut, what's here? Deserted by my archers.... But surely women
never can defeat us; Close up your ranks, my Scythians. Forward at
them.
LYSISTRATA
By the Goddesses, you'll find that here await you Four companies of
most pugnacious women Armed cap-a-pie from the topmost louring
curl To the lowest angry dimple.
MAGISTRATE

On, Scythians, bind them.
LYSISTRATA
On, gallant allies of our high design, Vendors of
grain-eggs-pulse-and-vegetables, Ye garlic-tavern-keepers of bakeries,
Strike, batter, knock, hit, slap, and scratch our foes, Be finely
imprudent, say what you think of them.... Enough! retire and do not rob
the dead.
MAGISTRATE
How basely did my archer-force come off.
LYSISTRATA
Ah, ha, you thought it was a herd of slaves You had to tackle, and you
didn't guess The thirst for glory ardent in our blood.
MAGISTRATE
By Apollo, I know well the thirst that heats you-- Especially when a
wine-skin's close.
MEN
You waste your breath, dear magistrate, I fear, in answering back.
What's the good of argument with such a rampageous pack? Remember
how they washed us down (these very clothes I wore) With water that
looked nasty and that smelt so even more.
WOMEN
What else to do, since you advanced too dangerously nigh. If you
should do the same again, I'll punch you in the eye. Though I'm a
stay-at-home and most a quiet life enjoy, Polite to all and every (for I'm
naturally coy), Still if you wake a wasps' nest then of wasps you must
beware.

MEN
How may this ferocity be tamed? It grows too great to bear. Let us
question them and find if they'll perchance declare The reason why
they strangely dare To seize on Cranaos' citadel, This eyrie inaccessible,
This shrine above the precipice, The Acropolis. Probe them and find
what they mean with this idle talk; listen, but watch they don't try to
deceive. You'd be neglecting your duty most certainly if now this
mystery unplumbed you leave.
MAGISTRATE
Women there! Tell what I ask you, directly.... Come, without rambling,
I wish you to state What's your rebellious intention in barring up thus
on our noses our own temple-gate.
LYSISTRATA
To take first the treasury out of your management, and so stop the war
through the absence of gold.
MAGISTRATE
Is gold then the cause of the war?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, gold caused it and miseries more, too many to be told. 'Twas for
money, and money alone, that Pisander with all of the army of
mob-agitators. Raised up revolutions. But, as for the future, it won't be
worth while to set up to be traitors. Not an obol they'll get as their loot,
not an obol! while we have the treasure-chest in our command.
MAGISTRATE
What then is that you propose?
LYSISTRATA

Just this--merely to take the exchequer henceforth in hand.
MAGISTRATE
The