Lysis | Page 6

he cannot do for himself. He can give him counsel
in time of difficulty; he can teach him 'to see himself as others see him';
he can stand by him, when all the world are against him; he can
gladden and enlighten him by his presence; he 'can divide his sorrows,'
he can 'double his joys;' he can anticipate his wants. He will discover
ways of helping him without creating a sense of his own superiority; he
will find out his mental trials, but only that he may minister to them.
Among true friends jealousy has no place: they do not complain of one
another for making new friends, or for not revealing some secret of
their lives; (in friendship too there must be reserves;) they do not
intrude upon one another, and they mutually rejoice in any good which
happens to either of them, though it may be to the loss of the other.
They may live apart and have little intercourse, but when they meet, the
old tie is as strong as ever-- according to the common saying, they find
one another always the same. The greatest good of friendship is not
daily intercourse, for circumstances rarely admit of this; but on the
great occasions of life, when the advice of a friend is needed, then the
word spoken in season about conduct, about health, about marriage,
about business,--the letter written from a distance by a disinterested
person who sees with clearer eyes may be of inestimable value. When
the heart is failing and despair is setting in, then to hear the voice or
grasp the hand of a friend, in a shipwreck, in a defeat, in some other
failure or misfortune, may restore the necessary courage and
composure to the paralysed and disordered mind, and convert the feeble
person into a hero; (compare Symposium). It is true that friendships are
apt to be disappointing: either we expect too much from them; or we
are indolent and do not 'keep them in repair;' or being admitted to
intimacy with another, we see his faults too clearly and lose our respect
for him; and he loses his affection for us. Friendships may be too
violent; and they may be too sensitive. The egotism of one of the
parties may be too much for the other. The word of counsel or
sympathy has been uttered too obtrusively, at the wrong time, or in the
wrong manner; or the need of it has not been perceived until too late.
'Oh if he had only told me' has been the silent thought of many a
troubled soul. And some things have to be indicated rather than spoken,

because the very mention of them tends to disturb the equability of
friendship. The alienation of friends, like many other human evils, is
commonly due to a want of tact and insight. There is not enough of the
Scimus et hanc veniam petimusque damusque vicissim. The sweet
draught of sympathy is not inexhaustible; and it tends to weaken the
person who too freely partakes of it. Thus we see that there are many
causes which impair the happiness of friends. We may expect a
friendship almost divine, such as philosophers have sometimes
dreamed of: we find what is human. The good of it is necessarily
limited; it does not take the place of marriage; it affords rather a solace
than an arm of support. It had better not be based on pecuniary
obligations; these more often mar than make a friendship. It is most
likely to be permanent when the two friends are equal and independent,
or when they are engaged together in some common work or have
some public interest in common. It exists among the bad or inferior sort
of men almost as much as among the good; the bad and good, and 'the
neither bad nor good,' are drawn together in a strange manner by
personal attachment. The essence of it is loyalty, without which it
would cease to be friendship. Another question 9) may be raised,
whether friendship can safely exist between young persons of different
sexes, not connected by ties of relationship, and without the thought of
love or marriage; whether, again, a wife or a husband should have any
intimate friend, besides his or her partner in marriage. The answer to
this latter question is rather perplexing, and would probably be
different in different countries (compare Sympos.). While we do not
deny that great good may result from such attachments, for the mind
may be drawn out and the character enlarged by them; yet we feel also
that they are attended with many dangers, and that this Romance of
Heavenly Love requires a strength, a freedom from passion, a
self-control, which, in youth especially, are rarely to be found. The