Love for Love | Page 7

you would be to invent the honest
means of keeping your word, and gratifying your creditors.
VAL. Scandal, learn to spare your friends, and do not provoke your
enemies; this liberty of your tongue will one day bring a
confinement
on your body, my friend.
SCENE IV.
VALENTINE, SCANDAL, JEREMY.
JERE. O sir, there's Trapland the scrivener, with two suspicious fellows
like lawful pads, that would knock a man down with pockettipstaves.
And there's your father's steward, and the nurse with
one of your
children from Twitnam.
VAL. Pox on her, could she find no other time to fling my sins in my
face? Here, give her this, [gives money] and bid her trouble me no
more; a thoughtless two-handed whore, she knows my condition well

enough, and might have overlaid the child a fortnight ago, if she had
had any forecast in her.
SCAN. What, is it bouncing Margery, with my godson?
JERE. Yes, sir.
SCAN. My blessing to the boy, with this token [gives money] of my
love. And d'ye hear, bid Margery put more flocks in her bed, shift twice
a week, and not work so hard, that she may not smell so vigorously. I
shall take the air shortly.
VAL. Scandal, don't spoil my boy's milk. Bid Trapland come in. If I
can give that Cerberus a sop, I shall be at rest for one day.
SCENE V.
VALENTINE, SCANDAL, TRAPLAND, JEREMY.
VAL. Oh, Mr Trapland! My old friend! Welcome. Jeremy, a chair
quickly: a bottle of sack and a toast--fly--a chair first.
TRAP. A good morning to you, Mr Valentine, and to you, Mr Scandal.
SCAN. The morning's a very good morning, if you don't spoil it.
VAL. Come, sit you down, you know his way.
TRAP. [sits.] There is a debt, Mr Valentine, of 1500 pounds of pretty
long standing -
VAL. I cannot talk about business with a thirsty palate. Sirrah, the sack.
TRAP. And I desire to know what course you have taken for the
payment?
VAL. Faith and troth, I am heartily glad to see you. My service to you.
Fill, fill to honest Mr Trapland--fuller.

TRAP. Hold, sweetheart: this is not to our business. My service to you,
Mr Scandal. [Drinks.] I have forborne as long -
VAL. T'other glass, and then we'll talk. Fill, Jeremy.
TRAP. No more, in truth. I have forborne, I say -
VAL. Sirrah, fill when I bid you. And how does your handsome
daughter? Come, a good husband to her. [Drinks.]
TRAP. Thank you. I have been out of this money -
VAL. Drink first. Scandal, why do you not drink? [They drink.]
TRAP. And, in short, I can be put off no longer.
VAL. I was much obliged to you for your supply. It did me signal
service in my necessity. But you delight in doing good. Scandal, drink
to me, my friend Trapland's health. An honester man lives not, nor one
more ready to serve his friend in distress: though I say it to his face.
Come, fill each man his glass.
SCAN. What, I know Trapland has been a whoremaster, and loves a
wench still. You never knew a whoremaster that was not an honest
fellow.
TRAP. Fie, Mr Scandal, you never knew -
SCAN. What don't I know? I know the buxom black widow in the
Poultry. 800 pounds a year jointure, and 20,000 pounds in money. Aha!
old Trap.
VAL. Say you so, i'faith? Come, we'll remember the widow. I know
whereabouts you are; come, to the widow -
TRAP. No more, indeed.
VAL. What, the widow's health; give it him--off with it. [They drink.]
A lovely girl, i'faith, black sparkling eyes, soft pouting ruby lips! Better

sealing there than a bond for a million, ha?
TRAP. No, no, there's no such thing; we'd better mind our business.
You're a wag.
VAL. No, faith, we'll mind the widow's business: fill again. Pretty
round heaving breasts, a Barbary shape, and a jut with her bum would
stir an anchoret: and the prettiest foot! Oh, if a man could but fasten his
eyes to her feet as they steal in and out, and play at bo-peep under her
petticoats, ah! Mr Trapland?
TRAP. Verily, give me a glass. You're a wag,--and here's to the widow.
[Drinks.]
SCAN. He begins to chuckle; ply him close, or he'll relapse into a dun.
SCENE VI.
[To them] OFFICER.
OFF. By your leave, gentlemen: Mr Trapland, if we must do our office,
tell us. We have half a dozen gentlemen to arrest in Pall Mall and
Covent Garden; and if we don't make haste the chairmen will be abroad,
and block up the chocolate-houses, and then our labour's lost.
TRAP. Udso that's true: Mr Valentine, I love mirth, but business must
be done. Are you ready to -
JERE. Sir,