Love Conquers All | Page 4

and her eyes snapped
viciously. She wanted to get down from her high-chair and show them
all how much she hated them.
Bernice's husband, the man who came after the waste paper, staggered
into the room. The tips were off both his shoe-lacings. The baby
experienced a voluptuous sense of futility at the sight of the
tipless-lacings and leered suggestively at her uncle-in-law.
"We must get the roof fixed," said the man, very quietly. "It lets the sun
in."

III
THIS CHILD KNOWS THE ANSWER--DO YOU?
We are occasionally confronted in the advertisements by the picture of
an offensively bright-looking little boy, fairly popping with information,
who, it is claimed in the text, knows all the inside dope on why fog
forms in beads on a woolen coat, how long it would take to crawl to the
moon on your hands and knees, and what makes oysters so quiet.

The taunting catch-line of the advertisement is: "This Child Knows the
Answer--Do You?" and the idea is to shame you into buying a set of
books containing answers to all the questions in the world except the
question "Where is the money coming from to buy the books?"
Any little boy knowing all these facts would unquestionably be an asset
in a business which specialized in fog-beads or lunar transportation
novelties, but he would be awful to have about the house.
"Spencer," you might say to him, "where are Daddy's slippers?" To
which he would undoubtedly answer: "I don't know, Dad,"
(disagreeable little boys like that always call their fathers "Dad" and
stand with their feet wide apart and their hands in their pockets like
girls playing boys' rôles on the stage) "but I do know this, that all the
Nordic peoples are predisposed to astigmatism because of the glare of
the sun on the snow, and that, furthermore, if you were to place a
common ordinary marble in a glass of luke-warm cider there would be
a precipitation which, on pouring off the cider, would be found to be
what we know as parsley, just plain parsley which Cook uses every
night in preparing our dinner."
With little ones like this around the house, a new version of "The
Children's Hour" will have to be arranged, and it might as well be done
now and got over with.
_The Well-Informed Children's Hour_
Between the dark and the day-light, When the night is beginning lo
lower, Comes a pause in the day's occupation Which is known as the
children's hour. 'Tis then appears tiny Irving With the patter of little
feet, To tell us that worms become dizzy At a slight application of heat.
And Norma, the baby savant, Comes toddling up with the news That a
valvular catch in the larynx Is the reason why Kitty mews. "Oh
Grandpa," cries lovable Lester, "Jack Frost has surprised us again, By
condensing in crystal formation The vapor which clings to the pane!"
Then Roger and Lispinard Junior Race pantingly down through the hall
To be first with the hot information That bees shed their coats in the
Fall. No longer they clamor for stories As they cluster in fun 'round my

knee But each little darling is bursting With a story that he must tell me,
Giving reasons why daisies are sexless And what makes the turtle so
dour; So it goes through the horrible gloaming Of the Well-informed
Children's Hour.

IV
RULES AND SUGGESTIONS FOR WATCHING AUCTION
BRIDGE
With all the expert advice that is being offered in print these days about
how to play games, it seems odd that no one has formulated a set of
rules for the spectators. The spectators are much more numerous than
the players, and seem to need more regulation. As a spectator of twenty
years standing, versed in watching all sports except six-day bicycle
races, I offer the fruit of my experience in the form of suggestions and
reminiscences which may tend to clarify the situation, or, in case there
is no situation which needs clarifying, to make one.
In the event of a favorable reaction on the part of the public, I shall
form an association, to be known as the National Amateur Audience
Association (or the N.A.A.A., if you are given to slang) of which I shall
be Treasurer. That's all I ask, the Treasurership.
This being an off-season of the year for outdoor sports (except walking,
which is getting to have neither participants nor spectators) it seems
best to start with a few remarks on the strenuous occupation of
watching a bridge game. Bridge-watchers are not so numerous as
football watchers, for instance, but they are much more in need of
coordination and it will be the aim of this article to formulate a
standardized set of rules for watching bridge