Look Back on Happiness | Page 7

a few armfuls of pine needles,
button my jacket tight, and take a long time to settle. No one who has
not tried it knows anything of the fine pleasure that streams through the
soul as one sits in a snug shelter on such a night. I light my pipe to pass
the time, but the tobacco doesn't agree with me because I haven't eaten,
so I put some resin in my mouth to chew as I lie thinking of many
things. The snow continues to fall outside; if I have been lucky enough
to find a shelter facing the right way, the snowdrifts will close in over
me and form a crest like a roof above my retreat. Then I am quite safe,
and may sleep or wake as I please; there will be no danger of freezing
my feet.
* * * * *
Two men came to my hut; they were in a great hurry, and one of them
called to me:
"Good morning. Has a man passed this way?"
I didn't like his face. I was not his servant and his question was too
stupid.
"Many people may have passed this way. Do you mean have I seen a
man go by?"
So much for him!
"I meant what I said," the man replied surlily. "I'm asking you in the
name of the law."
"Oh."
I had no desire for further conversation, and crawled into my hut.
The two men followed me. The constable grinned and said:
"Did you see a man pass by here yesterday?"
"No," I said.
They looked at each other, and took counsel together; then they left the

hut and returned to the village.
I thought: What zeal this policeman showed in the execution of his
duties, how he shone with public spirit! There will be bonuses for the
capture and transport of the criminal; there will be honor in having
carried out the deed. All mankind should adopt this man because he is
its son, created in its image! Where are the irons? He would rattle the
links a little and lift them on his arm like the train of a riding skirt, to
make me feel his terrifying power to put people in irons ... I feel
nothing.
And what tradesmen--what kings of trade--we have today! They
instantly miss what a man can carry off in a sack, and notify the police.
From now on I begin to long for the spring. My peat hut lies still too
near to mankind, and I will build myself another when the frost has
gone out of the ground. On the other side of the Skjel, I have chosen a
spot in the forest which I think I shall like. It is twenty-four miles from
the village and eighteen across the fjeld.

IV
Have I said that I was too near men? Heaven help me, for some days in
succession I have been taking strolls in the forest, saying good morning
and pretending I was in human company. If it was a man I imagined
beside me, we carried on a long, intelligent conversation, but if it was a
woman, I was polite: "Let me carry your parcel, miss." Once it must
have been the Lapp's daughter I seemed to meet, for I flattered her most
lavishly and offered to carry her fur cloak if she would take it off and
walk in her skin; tut, tut.
Heaven help me, I am no longer too near men. And probably I will not
build that peat hut still further away from them.
The days grow longer, and I do not mind. The truth is that in the winter
I suffered privation and learned much in order to master myself. It has
taken time and sometimes a resolute will, so it cannot be denied that I
am paying for my education rather dearly. Sometimes I have been
needlessly stern with myself.
"There is a loaf of bread," I said. "It doesn't surprise me, it doesn't
interest me; I am used to it. But if you see no bread for twelve hours, it
will mean something to you," I said, and hid the bread away.
That was in the winter.

Were they dreary days? No, good days. My liberty was so great that I
could do and think as I pleased; I was alone, the bear of the forest. But
even in the heart of the forest no man dares speak aloud without
looking round; rather, he walks in silence. For a time you console
yourself that it's typically English to be silent, it's regal to be silent. But
suddenly you find this has gone too far, your mouth begins to wake, to
stretch, and suddenly to shout nonsense.
"Bricks for the palace! The calf is much