Lippincotts Magazine, August, 1885 | Page 3

see all this in the autumn,
when the thickets of scarlet and gold are said to be so very beautiful?"

said Miss Noel, addressing her affably.
"Yes, mem," agreed Parsons. "And, if you please, mem, where are the
estates of the gentry, as I 'ave been lookin' for ever since we came
hover?"
"Not in this part," replied Miss Noel. "The red Indians were here not
very long since. You should really get a pin-cushion of their
descendants, those mild, dirty creatures that work in bark and beads.
Buy of one that has been baptized: one shouldn't encourage them to
remain heathens, you know. Your friends in England will like to see
something made by them; and they were once very powerful and spread
all over the country as far as--as--I really forget where; but I know they
were very wild and dreadful, and lived in wigwams, and wore
moccasins."
"Oh, indeed, mem!" responded Parsons, impressed by the extent of her
mistress's information.
"A wigwam is three upright poles, such as the gypsies use for their
kettles, thatched with the leaves of the palm and the plantain," Miss
Noel went on. "Dear me! It is very odd! I certainly remember to have
read that; but perhaps I am getting back to the Southern Americans
again, which does so vex Robert. I wonder if one couldn't see a
wigwam for one's self? It can't be plantain, after all: there is none
growing about here."
She asked Mabel about this that evening, and the latter told her
husband how Miss Noel was always mixing up the two continents.
"I don't despair, Mabel. They will find this potato-patch of ours after a
while," he said good-humoredly.
But he was less amiable when Mrs. Sykes said at dinner next day, "I
should like to try your maize. Quite simply boiled, and eaten with
butter and salt, I am told it is quite good, really. I have heard that the
Duke of Slumborough thought it excellent."
"You don't say so! I am so glad to hear it! I shall make it generally
known as far as I can. Such things encourage us to go on trying to make
a nation of ourselves. It would have paralyzed all growth and
development in this country for twenty years if he had thought it
'nasty,'" said Job. "Foreigners can't be too particular how they express
their opinions about us. Over and over again we have come within an
ace of putting up the shutters and confessing that it was no use

pretending that we could go on independently having a country of our
own, with distinct institutions, peculiarities, customs, manners, and
even productions. It would be so much better and easier to turn
ourselves over to a syndicate of distinguished foreigners who would
govern us properly,--stamp out ice-water and hot rolls from the first, as
unlawful and not agreeing with the Constitution, give us cool summers,
prevent children from teething hard, make it a penal offence to talk
through the nose, and put a bunch of Bourbons in the White House,
with a divine right to all the canvas-back ducks in the country. There
are so many kings out of business now that they could easily give us a
bankrupt one to put on our trade dollar, or something really sweet in
emperors who have seen better days. And a standing army of a hundred
thousand men, all drum-majors, in gorgeous uniforms, helmets,
feathers, gold lace, would certainly scare the Mexicans into caniptious
and unconditional surrender. The more I think of it, the more delightful
it seems. It is mere stupid obstinacy our people keeping up this farce of
self-government, when anybody can see that it is a perfect failure, and
that the country has no future whatever."
"Oh, you talk in that way; but I don't think you would really like it,"
said Mrs. Sykes. "Americans seem to think that they know everything:
they are above taking any hints from the Old World, and get as angry as
possible with me when I point out a few of the more glaring defects
that strike me."
"I am surprised at that. Our great complaint is that we can't get any
advice from Europeans. If we only had a little, even, we might in time
loom up as a fifth-rate power. But no: they leave us over here in this
wilderness without one word of counsel or criticism, or so much as a
suggestion, and they ought not to be surprised that we are going to the
dogs. What else can they expect?" said Mr. Ketchum.
"Husband, dear, you were very sharp with my cousin to-day, and it was
not like you to show temper,--at least, not temper exactly, but
vexation," said Mabel to him afterward in mild rebuke. "She has