Life of Lord Byron, With His Letters And Journals, Vol. 5 | Page 3

friend told me afterwards that he was under
apprehensions of violence from the people who might be assembled at
the door of the carriage. However, I was not deterred by these counsels
from seeing Kean in his best characters, nor from voting according to
my principles; and, with regard to the third and last apprehensions of
my friends, I could not share in them, not being made acquainted with
their extent till some time after I had crossed the Channel. Even if I had
been so, I am not of a nature to be much affected by men's anger,
though I may feel hurt by their aversion. Against all individual outrage,
I could protect or redress myself; and against that of a crowd, I should
probably have been enabled to defend myself, with the assistance of
others, as has been done on similar occasions.
"I retired from the country, perceiving that I was the object of general
obloquy; I did not indeed imagine, like Jean Jacques Rousseau, that all
mankind was in a conspiracy against me, though I had perhaps as good

grounds for such a chimera as ever he had; but I perceived that I had to
a great extent become personally obnoxious in England, perhaps
through my own fault, but the fact was indisputable; the public in
general would hardly have been so much excited against a more
popular character, without at least an accusation or a charge of some
kind actually expressed or substantiated; for I can hardly conceive that
the common and every-day occurrence of a separation between man
and wife could in itself produce so great a ferment. I shall say nothing
of the usual complaints of 'being prejudged,' 'condemned unheard,'
'unfairness,' 'partiality,' and so forth, the usual changes rung by parties
who have had, or are to have, a trial; but I was a little surprised to find
myself condemned without being favoured with the act of accusation,
and to perceive in the absence of this portentous charge or charges,
whatever it or they were to be, that every possible or impossible crime
was rumoured to supply its place, and taken for granted. This could
only occur in the case of a person very much disliked, and I knew no
remedy, having already used to their extent whatever little powers I
might possess of pleasing in society. I had no party in fashion, though I
was afterwards told that there was one--but it was not of my formation,
nor did I then know of its existence--none in literature; and in politics I
had voted with the Whigs, with precisely that importance which a Whig
vote possesses in these Tory days, and with such personal acquaintance
with the leaders in both houses as the society in which I lived
sanctioned, but without claim or expectation of anything like friendship
from any one, except a few young men of my own age and standing,
and a few others more advanced in life, which last it had been my
fortune to serve in circumstances of difficulty. This was, in fact, to
stand alone: and I recollect, some time after, Madame de Staël said to
me in Switzerland, 'You should not have warred with the world--it will
not do--it is too strong always for any individual: I myself once tried it
in early life, but it will not do.' I perfectly acquiesce in the truth of this
remark; but the world had done me the honour to begin the war; and,
assuredly, if peace is only to be obtained by courting and paying tribute
to it, I am not qualified to obtain its countenance. I thought, in the
words of Campbell,
"'Then wed thee to an exil'd lot, And if the world hath loved thee not,

Its absence may be borne.'
"I have heard of, and believe, that there are human beings so
constituted as to be insensible to injuries; but I believe that the best
mode to avoid taking vengeance is to get out of the way of temptation.
I hope that I may never have the opportunity, for I am not quite sure
that I could resist it, having derived from my mother something of the
'perfervidum ingenium Scotorum.' I have not sought, and shall not seek
it, and perhaps it may never come in my path. I do not in this allude to
the party, who might be right or wrong; but to many who made her
cause the pretext of their own bitterness. She, indeed, must have long
avenged me in her own feelings, for whatever her reasons may have
been (and she never adduced them to me at least), she probably neither
contemplated nor conceived to what she became the means of
conducting the father of her child, and the husband of her choice.
"So