Life of Bunyan | Page 6

a whole heart into his love and
his hatred; and when he rejoiced or trembled, the entire man and every
movement was converted into ecstasy or horror. Many have
experienced the dim counterpart of such processes as we are now
describing; but will scarcely recognise their own equivalent history in
the bright realizations and agonizing vicissitudes of a mind so fervent
and ideal.
For a month or more he went on in resolute sinning, only grudging that
he could not get such scope as the madness of despair solicited, when
one day standing at a neighbour's window, cursing and swearing, and
"playing the madman, after his wonted manner," the woman of the
house protested that he made her tremble, and that truly he was the
ungodliest fellow for swearing that she ever heard in all her life, and
quite enough to ruin the youth of the whole town. The woman was
herself a notoriously worthless character; and so severe a reproof, from
so strange a quarter, had a singular effect on Bunyan's mind. He was in
a moment silenced. He blushed before the God of heaven; and as he

there stood with hanging head, he wished with all his heart that he were
a little child again, that his father might teach him to speak without
profanity; for he thought it so inveterate now, that reformation was out
of the question. Nevertheless, so it was, from that instant onward he
was cured of his wicked habit, and people wondered at the change.
"Quickly after this I fell into company with one poor man that made
profession of religion; who, as I then thought, did talk pleasantly of the
Scriptures and of the matter of religious. Wherefore, falling into some
love and liking of what he said, I betook me to my Bible, and began to
take great pleasure in reading, but especially with the historical part
thereof; for as for Paul's Epistles, and such like Scriptures, I could not
away with them, being as yet ignorant either of the corruption of my
nature, or of the want and worth of Jesus Christ to save me. Wherefore
I fell into some outward reformation, both in my words and life, and
did set the commandments before me for my way to heaven; which
commandments I also did strive to keep, and, as I thought, did keep
them pretty well sometimes, and then I should have comfort; yet now
and then should break one, and so afflict my conscience; but then I
should repent, and say I was sorry for it, and promise God to do better
next time, and there got help again; for then I thought I pleased God as
well as any man in England. Thus I continued about a year; all which
time our neighbours did take me to be a very godly man, a new and
religious man, and did marvel much to see such great and famous
alteration in my life and manners; and indeed so it was, though I knew
not Christ, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope; for, as I have well since seen,
had I then died, my state had been most fearful. But, I say, my
neighbours were amazed at this my great conversion, from prodigious
profaneness to something like a moral life; and so they well might; for
this my conversion was as great as for Tom of Bedlam to become a
sober man. Now, therefore, they began to speak well of me, both before
my face and behind my back. Now I was, as they said, become godly;
now I was become a right honest man. But oh! when I understood these
were their words and opinions of me, it pleased me mighty well. For
though, as yet, I was nothing but a poor painted hypocrite, yet I loved
to be talked of as one that was truly godly . . . And thus I continued for
about a twelvemonth or more."
Though not acting from enlightened MOTIVES, Bunyan was now

under the guidance of new INFLUENCES. For just as the Spirit of God
puts forth a restraining influence on many during the days of their
carnality, which makes the change at their conversion less conspicuous
than if they had been lifted from the depths of a flagitious reprobacy; so
others he long subjects to a preparatory process, during which some of
the old and most offensive things of their ungodliness pass away; and
when the revolution, effected by the entrance of the evangelic motive,
at last takes place, it is rather to personal consciousness than to outward
observation that the change is perceptible. The real and final
transformation is rather within the man than upon him. So was it with
John Bunyan. One by one he abandoned his besetting sins, and made