Life in the Grey Nunnery at Montreal | Page 8

I saw at once by the stern look that came over the lady's face that she
was very angry; and I would gladly have recalled those few hasty
words had it been in my power to have done so. She immediately left
the room, but soon returned with Priest Dow. His countenance also
indicated anger, as he took hold of my arm and led me to a darkened
room, in which several candles were burning.
Here I saw three scenes, which I think must have been composed of
images, pictures, and curtains. I do not pretend to describe them
correctly, I can only tell how they appeared to me.
The first was an image of Christ on the cross, with his arms extended as
we usually see them in pictures. On his right hand was a representation
of heaven, and on the left, of hell. Heaven was made to appear like a

bright, beautiful, and glorious place. A wall of pink color surrounded it,
and in the center was a spring of clear water. In the midst of this spring
stood a tree, bearing on every limb a lighted candle, and on the top, the
image of Christ and a dove.
Hell was surrounded by a black wall, within which, there was also a
spring; but the water was very black, and beside it stood a large black
image, with horns on its head, a long tail, and a large cloven foot. The
place where it stood was in deep shadow, made to resemble, as neatly
as possible, clouds and darkness. The priest led me up to this fearful
object, and placed me on one side of it, while he stood on the other; but
it would turn away from him towards me, roll up its great eyes, open its
mouth and show its long white tusks. The priest said it turned from him,
because he was a good man, and I was very wicked. He said that it was
the devil, come up from the bottomless pit to devour me; and if I said
such wicked words again, it would carry me off. I was very much
frightened, for I then thought that all he said was true; that those images,
which I now know were strung on wires were really what they were
made to represent.
In fact, until I was fifteen years old, I really believed that the image I
then saw was an evil spirit. But since that time, I have been made to
know that the priests themselves are the only evil spirits about the
place.
Priest Dow then led me back to the nursery, and left me with the
Superior. But he soon came, back, saying he "knew what I was thinking
about; that I had wicked thoughts about him; thought he was a bad man,
and that I wished to leave him and go to my father;" Now this was all
true, and the fact that he knew it, frightened me accordingly. It was a
sure proof that what Father Darity said was true. But how could I ever
be safe, if they could thus read the inmost secrets of my soul? I did
dislike them all very much indeed and I could not help it. How then
could I avert the consequences of this deep aversion to convent life,
since it could not be concealed? Was it possible for me so far to
conquer myself, as to love the persons with whom I lived? How many
nights did I lie awake pondering this question, and resolving to make
the effort. I was, of course, too young to know that it was only by
shrewd guessing, and a general knowledge of human nature, that he
was enabled to tell my thoughts so correctly.

"Now," said he, "for indulging these dreadful thoughts, I shall take you
back to the devil, and give you up to him." I was frightened before; but
I have no words to describe my feelings when he again led me back,
and left me beside the image, saying, as he closed the door, "If the devil
groans three times, and the Lord does not speak, you must stay here
until to-morrow at this time." I trembled so that I could hardly stand,
and when, after a few moments, a sound like a groan fell upon my ears,
I shrieked in the extremity of terror.
[Footnote: Cioui, formerly a Benedictine Monk, giving an account of
his imprisonment at Rome, after his conversion says:--
"One evening, after listening to a discourse filled with dark images of
death, I returned to my room, and found the light set upon the ground. I
took it up and approached the table to place it there, but what was my
horror and consternation at beholding spread out upon