Letters to His Son 1753-54 | Page 6

is at your service; and I do not desire one grain of your
spirit in return. Use them both, and let them reciprocally animate and
check each other. I mean here, by the spirit of youth, only the vivacity
and presumption of youth, which hinder them from seeing the
difficulties or dangers of an undertaking, but I do not mean what the
silly vulgar call spirit, by which they are captious, jealous of their rank,
suspicious of being undervalued, and tart (as they call it) in their
repartees, upon the slightest occasions. This is an evil, and a very silly
spirit, which should be driven out, and transferred to an herd of swine.
This is not the spirit of a man of fashion, who has kept good company.

People of an ordinary, low education, when they happen to fail into
good company, imagine themselves the only object of its attention; if
the company whispers, it is, to be sure, concerning them; if they laugh,
it is at them; and if anything ambiguous, that by the most forced
interpretation can be applied to them, happens to be said, they are
convinced that it was meant at them; upon which they grow out of
countenance first, and then angry. This mistake is very well ridiculed in
the "Stratagem," where Scrub says, I AM SURE THEY TALKED OF
ME FOR THEY LAUGHED CONSUMEDLY. A well-bred man
seldom thinks, but never seems to think himself slighted, undervalued,
or laughed at in company, unless where it is so plainly marked out, that
his honor obliges him to resent it in a proper manner; 'mais les honnetes
gens ne se boudent jamais'. I will admit that it is very difficult to
command one's self enough, to behave with ease, frankness, and
good-breeding toward those, who one knows dislike, slight, and injure
one, as far as they can, without personal consequences; but I assert that
it is absolutely necessary to do it: you must embrace the man you hate,
if you cannot be justified in knocking him down; for otherwise you
avow the injury which you cannot revenge. A prudent cuckold (and
there are many such at Paris) pockets his horns when he cannot gore
with them; and will not add to the triumph of his maker by only butting
with them ineffectually. A seeming ignorance is very often a most
necessary part of worldly knowledge. It is, for instance, commonly
advisable to seem ignorant of what people offer to tell you; and when
they say, Have you not heard of such a thing? to answer No, and to let
them go on; though you know it already. Some have a pleasure in
telling it, because they think that they tell it well; others have a pride in
it, as being the sagacious discoverers; and many have a vanity in
showing that they have been, though very undeservedly, trusted; all
these would be disappointed, and consequently displeased, if you said
Yes. Seem always ignorant (unless to one's most intimate friend) of all
matters of private scandal and defamation, though you should hear
them a thousand times; for the parties affected always look upon the
receiver to be almost as bad as the thief: and, whenever they become
the topic of conversation seem to be a skeptic, though you are really a
serious believer; and always take the extenuating part. But all this
seeming ignorance should be joined to thorough and extensive private

informations: and, indeed, it is the best method of procuring them; for
most people have such a vanity in showing a superiority over others,
though but for a moment, and in the merest trifles, that they will tell
you what they should not, rather than not show that they can tell what
you did not know; besides that such seeming ignorance will make you
pass for incurious and consequently undesigning. However, fish for
facts, and take pains to be well informed of everything that passes; but
fish judiciously, and not always, nor indeed often, in the shape of direct
questions, which always put people upon their guard, and, often
repeated, grow tiresome. But sometimes take the things that you would
know for granted; upon which somebody will, kindly and officiously,
set you right: sometimes say that you have heard so and so; and at other
times seem to know more than you do, in order to know all that you
want; but avoid direct questioning as much as you can. All these
necessary arts of the world require constant attention, presence of mind,
and coolness. Achilles, though invulnerable, never went to battle but
completely armed. Courts are to be the theatres of your wars, where
you should be always as completely armed, and even with the addition
of a heel-piece. The least inattention, the least DISTRACTION, may