Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices | Page 3

his shirt-collar,
delivered half the dispatches in his shiny little pouch, or read his
newspaper.
Carlisle! Idle and Goodchild had got to Carlisle. It looked congenially
and delightfully idle. Something in the way of public amusement had
happened last month, and something else was going to happen before
Christmas; and, in the meantime there was a lecture on India for those
who liked it--which Idle and Goodchild did not. Likewise, by those
who liked them, there were impressions to be bought of all the vapid
prints, going and gone, and of nearly all the vapid books. For those who
wanted to put anything in missionary boxes, here were the boxes. For
those who wanted the Reverend Mr. Podgers (artist's proofs, thirty
shillings), here was Mr. Podgers to any amount. Not less gracious and
abundant, Mr. Codgers also of the vineyard, but opposed to Mr.
Podgers, brotherly tooth and nail. Here, were guide-books to the
neighbouring antiquities, and eke the Lake country, in several dry and
husky sorts; here, many physically and morally impossible heads of
both sexes, for young ladies to copy, in the exercise of the art of
drawing; here, further, a large impression of MR. SPURGEON, solid as
to the flesh, not to say even something gross. The working young men
of Carlisle were drawn up, with their hands in their pockets, across the
pavements, four and six abreast, and appeared (much to the satisfaction

of Mr. Idle) to have nothing else to do. The working and growing
young women of Carlisle, from the age of twelve upwards, promenaded
the streets in the cool of the evening, and rallied the said young men.
Sometimes the young men rallied the young women, as in the case of a
group gathered round an accordion-player, from among whom a young
man advanced behind a young woman for whom he appeared to have a
tenderness, and hinted to her that he was there and playful, by giving
her (he wore clogs) a kick.
On market morning, Carlisle woke up amazingly, and became (to the
two Idle Apprentices) disagreeably and reproachfully busy. There were
its cattle market, its sheep market, and its pig market down by the river,
with raw-boned and shock-headed Rob Roys hiding their Lowland
dresses beneath heavy plaids, prowling in and out among the animals,
and flavouring the air with fumes of whiskey. There was its corn
market down the main street, with hum of chaffering over open sacks.
There was its general market in the street too, with heather brooms on
which the purple flower still flourished, and heather baskets primitive
and fresh to behold. With women trying on clogs and caps at open
stalls, and 'Bible stalls' adjoining. With 'Doctor Mantle's Dispensary for
the cure of all Human Maladies and no charge for advice,' and with
Doctor Mantle's 'Laboratory of Medical, Chemical, and Botanical
Science'--both healing institutions established on one pair of trestles,
one board, and one sun-blind. With the renowned phrenologist from
London, begging to be favoured (at sixpence each) with the company
of clients of both sexes, to whom, on examination of their heads, he
would make revelations 'enabling him or her to know themselves.'
Through all these bargains and blessings, the recruiting-sergeant
watchfully elbowed his way, a thread of War in the peaceful skein.
Likewise on the walls were printed hints that the Oxford Blues might
not be indisposed to hear of a few fine active young men; and that
whereas the standard of that distinguished corps is full six feet,
'growing lads of five feet eleven' need not absolutely despair of being
accepted.
Scenting the morning air more pleasantly than the buried majesty of
Denmark did, Messrs. Idle and Goodchild rode away from Carlisle at

eight o'clock one forenoon, bound for the village of Hesket, Newmarket,
some fourteen miles distant. Goodchild (who had already begun to
doubt whether he was idle: as his way always is when he has nothing to
do) had read of a certain black old Cumberland hill or mountain, called
Carrock, or Carrock Fell; and had arrived at the conclusion that it
would be the culminating triumph of Idleness to ascend the same.
Thomas Idle, dwelling on the pains inseparable from that achievement,
had expressed the strongest doubts of the expediency, and even of the
sanity, of the enterprise; but Goodchild had carried his point, and they
rode away.
Up hill and down hill, and twisting to the right, and twisting to the left,
and with old Skiddaw (who has vaunted himself a great deal more than
his merits deserve; but that is rather the way of the Lake country),
dodging the apprentices in a picturesque and pleasant manner. Good,
weather-proof, warm, pleasant houses, well white-limed, scantily
dotting the road. Clean children coming out to look, carrying other
clean children as big