Lazy Thoughts of a Lazy Girl | Page 7

them from my youth up.

There is such a sameness in politicians. Whatever their opinions, their
language and feelings are all one. They are only directed at different
people. While one man is gloating over a Conservative victory you hear
a mutter from the Radical to the effect that "That brute has got in for
----" Poor man, why, because he thinks differently to you, should he be
a brute? But just the same words are spoken if the positions be reversed.
It is only the mouths that change places.
I am afraid my views incline toward the Tory side. I cannot help it, I
was bought over long ago. You must feel an interest as to the successful
candidate when the result means either a tip all round or a thundery
atmosphere for the rest of the day. Men take an adverse poll as a
personal affront and vent their feelings on their families. The tipping
was quite an understood thing when I was younger, now it is given up,
and joy is shown in a less substantial way, I regret to say.
Unfortunately the thunder storms are not events of the past as well.
Politicians have such a narrow way of looking at things. The other side
can do nothing right while they themselves are absolutely faultless! If a
Tory wishes to confer an opprobrious epithet on a person he calls him a
Radical, and _vice versâ_; the opposite faction is capable of any
enormity? This reminds me of the old Scotchman who on being asked
his opinion of a man who had first murdered and then mutilated his
victim, answered in a shocked voice, "What do I think? Well, I think
that a maun who'd do all that would whistle on the Sawbuths!" "Such a
man must be a Home Ruler," my father would have said.
In having a guest with opposite views at your dinner table, what
agonies do you not suffer? I have gone through those dreadful meals
trembling at every word that drops from the man's lips. Try as you may,
turn the conversation how you will, there is sure to be some allusion,
some statement that sets on fire all the host's enthusiasm, and it does
not take long before the poor guest is entirely annihilated and
subdued--unless indeed he is as hot on his side as the other is on his;
then indeed all we can do is to sit and hear it out. To attempt to stem
such a torrent would be the act of a lunatic. We only feel thankful that
"pistols for two and coffee for one" is a thing of the past.

The General Elections are dreadful times; nothing but canvassing goes
on night after night for weeks beforehand. Conversation is entirely
restricted to the coming event--if you mention a word about anything
apart from it, you are considered absolutely profane, and are treated as
a pariah for the next few days.
It is interesting, I admit, and the election day itself is positively exciting.
You cannot help catching the malady at times. I remember once, when
I was very little, and walking out with my governess, tearing down a
Liberal bill, in spite of all she said to the contrary. True, it was on what
she considered her own side, though I don't think she knew enough to
distinguish between the two; still her real annoyance was occasioned
more by the look of the thing. That a pupil of hers should act in such a
plebeian way, and in so public a place, certainly must have been
somewhat provoking? Anyhow, she gave me a bad mark for
disobedience, which affected me but little, as when I related the story to
my father later on he rewarded me with a shilling for my prowess!
Electioneering, you see, is not good for the morals!
How tired you get, too, of seeing the names of would-be members
stuck up all over the place. My brothers used to follow the Liberal
bill-sticker round, and as soon as he had turned his back pull the
placards down, or cover them up with their own. This was found out at
last, and the foe grew more cautious.
Then the extravagant promises made by the candidates, which they
never really intend to fulfil, and could not if they wished. It is like the
man in Church who, while singing--
"Were the whole realm of nature mine, That were an offering far too
small,"
was rubbing his finger along the rim of a threepenny bit to make sure it
was not a fourpenny!
On election days all mankind goes mad. Their excitement is so great
that they would scarcely know it did they forego their dinner. And this,
with men, proves an absorbing interest in the matter.