Laughable Lyrics | Page 7

The Akond of Swat?

Is he quiet, or always making a fuss??Is his steward a Swiss or a Swede or a Russ, or a SCOT,
The Akond of Swat?
Does he like to sit by the calm blue wave?
Or to sleep and snore in a dark green cave, or a GROTT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he drink small beer from a silver jug?
Or a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a mug? or a POT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he beat his wife with a gold-topped pipe,
When she lets the gooseberries grow too ripe, or ROT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he wear a white tie when he dines with friends,
And tie it neat in a bow with ends, or a KNOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he like new cream, and hate mince-pies??When he looks at the sun does he wink his eyes, or NOT,
The Akond of Swat?
Does he teach his subjects to roast and bake?
Does he sail about on an inland lake, in a YACHT,
The Akond of Swat?

Some one, or nobody, knows I wot?Who or which or why or what
Is the Akond of Swat!
NOTE.--For the existence of this potentate see Indian newspapers, passim. The proper way to read the verses is to make an immense emphasis on the monosyllabic rhymes, which indeed ought to be shouted out by a chorus.

NONSENSE BOTANY.
[Illustration: Armchairia Comfortabilis.]
[Illustration: Bassia Palealensis.]
[Illustration: Bubblia Blowpipia.]
[Illustration: Bluebottlia Buzztilentia.]
[Illustration: Crabbia Horrida.]
[Illustration: Smalltoothcombia Domestica.]
[Illustration: Knutmigrata Simplice.]
[Illustration: Tureenia Ladlecum.]
[Illustration: Puffia Leatherbellowsa.]
[Illustration: Queeriflora Baby?ides.]

NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
A
[Illustration]
A was an Area Arch
Where washerwomen sat;?They made a lot of lovely starch
To starch Papa's Cravat.
B
[Illustration]
B was a Bottle blue,
Which was not very small;?Papa he filled it full of beer,
And then he drank it all.
C
[Illustration]
C was Papa's gray Cat,
Who caught a squeaky Mouse;?She pulled him by his twirly tail
All about the house.
D
[Illustration]
D was Papa's white Duck,
Who had a curly tail;?One day it ate a great fat frog,
Besides a leetle snail.
E
[Illustration]
E was a little Egg,
Upon the breakfast table;?Papa came in and ate it up
As fast as he was able.
F
[Illustration]
F was a little Fish.
Cook in the river took it?Papa said, "Cook! Cook! bring a dish!
And, Cook! be quick and cook it!"
G
[Illustration]
G was Papa's new Gun;
He put it in a box;?And then he went and bought a bun,
And walked