Laughable Lyrics | Page 2

he goes,?The Dong with a luminous Nose!?Yonder, over the plain he goes,--
He goes!
He goes,--

The Dong with a luminous Nose!"
THE TWO OLD BACHELORS.
[Illustration]
Two old Bachelors were living in one house;?One caught a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.?Said he who caught the Muffin to him who caught the Mouse,-- "This happens just in time! For we've nothing in the house, Save a tiny slice of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey,?And what to do for dinner--since we haven't any money??And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner,?But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?"
Said he who caught the Mouse to him who caught the Muffin,-- "We might cook this little Mouse, if we only had some Stuffin'! If we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely well;?But how to get that Stuffin' it is difficult to tell!"
Those two old Bachelors ran quickly to the town?And asked for Sage and Onion as they wandered up and down;?They borrowed two large Onions, but no Sage was to be found In the Shops, or in the Market, or in all the Gardens round.
But some one said, "A hill there is, a little to the north, And to its purpledicular top a narrow way leads forth;?And there among the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,--?An earnest Man, who reads all day a most perplexing page.?Climb up, and seize him by the toes,--all studious as he sits,-- And pull him down, and chop him into endless little bits!?Then mix him with your Onion (cut up likewise into Scraps),-- When your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good--perhaps."
Those two old Bachelors without loss of time?The nearly purpledicular crags at once began to climb;?And at the top, among the rocks, all seated in a nook,?They saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.
"You earnest Sage!" aloud they cried, "your book you've read enough in! We wish to chop you into bits to mix you into Stuffin'!"
But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with his awful book, At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took;?And over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,-- At once they rolled, and never stopped in lane or field or town; And when they reached their house, they found (besides their want
of Stuffin'), The Mouse had fled--and, previously, had eaten up the Muffin.
They left their home in silence by the once convivial door; And from that hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.
[Illustration: Sheet Music--The Pelicans]
[Illustration]
THE PELICAN CHORUS.
King and Queen of the Pelicans we;?No other Birds so grand we see!?None but we have feet like fins!?With lovely leathery throats and chins!
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!?We think no Birds so happy as we!?Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican Jill!?We think so then, and we thought so still
We live on the Nile. The Nile we love.?By night we sleep on the cliffs above;?By day we fish, and at eve we stand?On long bare islands of yellow sand.?And when the sun sinks slowly down,?And the great rock walls grow dark and brown,
Where the purple river rolls fast and dim?And the Ivory Ibis starlike skim,?Wing to wing we dance around,?Stamping our feet with a flumpy sound,?Opening our mouths as Pelicans ought;?And this is the song we nightly snort,--
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!?We think no Birds so happy as we!?Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!?We think so then, and we thought so still!
Last year came out our Daughter Dell,?And all the Birds received her well.?To do her honor a feast we made?For every bird that can swim or wade,--?Herons and Gulls, and Cormorants black,?Cranes, and Flamingoes with scarlet back,?Plovers and Storks, and Geese in clouds,?Swans and Dilberry Ducks in crowds:?Thousands of Birds in wondrous flight!?They ate and drank and danced all night,?And echoing back from the rocks you heard?Multitude-echoes from Bird and Bird,--
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!?We think no Birds so happy as we!?Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!?We think so then, and we thought so still!
Yes, they came; and among the rest?The King of the Cranes all grandly dressed.?Such a lovely tail! Its feathers float?Between the ends of his blue dress-coat;?With pea-green trowsers all so neat,?And a delicate frill to hide his feet?(For though no one speaks of it, every one knows?He has got no webs between his toes).
As soon as he saw our Daughter Dell,?In violent love that Crane King fell,--?On seeing her waddling form so fair,?With a wreath of shrimps in her short white hair.?And before the end of the next long day?Our Dell had given her heart away;?For the King of the Cranes had won that heart?With a Crocodile's egg and a large fish-tart.?She vowed to marry the King of the