Kipps | Page 3

there was a
suitable wind in order that the dust disengaged in that operation might
defile his neighbour's shop. These issues would frequently develop into
loud and vehement quarrels, and on one occasion came so near to
violence as to be subsequently described by Pornick (who read his
newspaper) as a 'Disgraceful Frackass.' On that occasion he certainly
went into his own shop with extreme celerity.
But it was through one of these quarrels that the friendship of little
Kipps and Sid Pornick came about. The two small boys found
themselves one day looking through the gate at the doctor's goats
together; they exchanged a few contradictions about which goat could
fight which, and then young Kipps was moved to remark that Sid's
father was a 'blaring jackess.' Sid said he wasn't, and Kipps repeated
that he was, and quoted his authority. Then Sid, flying off at a tangent

rather alarmingly, said he could fight young Kipps with one hand, an
assertion young Kipps with a secret want of confidence denied. There
were some vain repetitions, and the incident might have ended there,
but happily a sporting butcher boy chanced on the controversy at this
stage, and insisted upon seeing fair play.
The two small boys, under his pressing encouragement, did at last
button up their jackets, square, and fight an edifying drawn battle until
it seemed good to the butcher boy to go on with Mrs. Holyer's mutton.
Then, according to his directions and under his experienced stage
management, they shook hands and made it up. Subsequently a little
tear-stained, perhaps, but flushed with the butcher boy's approval
('tough little kids'), and with cold stones down their necks as he advised,
they sat side by side on the doctor's gate, projecting very much behind,
staunching an honourable bloodshed, and expressing respect for one
another. Each had a bloody nose and a black eye -- three days later they
matched to a shade -- neither had given in, and, though this was tacit,
neither wanted any more.
It was an excellent beginning. After this first encounter the attributes of
their parents and their own relative value in battle never rose between
them, and if anything was wanted to complete the warmth of their
regard it was found in a joint dislike of the eldest Quodling. The eldest
Quodling lisped, had a silly sort of straw hat and a large pink face (all
covered over with self-satisfaction), and he went to the National school
with a green-baize bag -- a contemptible thing to do. They called him
names and threw stones at him, and when he replied by threatenings
('Look 'ere, young Art Kipth, you better thtoppit!') they were moved to
attack, and put him to fight.
And after that they broke the head of Ann Pornick's doll, so that she
went home weeping loudly -- a wicked and endearing proceeding. Sid
was whacked, but, as he explained, he wore a newspaper tactically
adjusted during the transaction, and really it didn't hurt him at all... And
Mrs. Pornick put her head out of the shop door suddenly and threatened
Kipps as he passed.

2
'Cavendish Academy,' the school that had won the limited choice of
Kipps' vanished mother, was established in a battered private house in
the part of Hastings remotest from the sea; it was called an Academy
for Young Gentlemen, and many of the young gentlemen had parents in
'India' and other unverifiable places. Others were the sons of credulous
widows, anxious, as Kipps' mother had been, to get something a little
'superior' to a board school education as cheaply as possible, and others,
again, were sent to demonstrate the dignity of their parents and
guardians. And of course there were boys from France.
Its 'principal' was a lean, long creature of indifferent digestion and
temper, who proclaimed himself on a gilt-lettered board in his front
area, George Garden Woodrow, F.S.Sc., letters indicating that he had
paid certain guineas for a bogus diploma. A bleak, white-washed
outhouse constituted his schoolroom, and the scholastic quality of its
carved and worn desks and forms was enhanced by a slippery
blackboard and two large, yellow, out-of-date maps -- one of Africa
and the other of Wiltshire -- that he had picked up cheap at a sale.
There were other maps and globes in his study, where he interviewed
inquiring parents, but these his pupils never saw. And in a glass
cupboard in the passage were several shillings-worth of test-tubes and
chemicals, a tripod, a glass retort, and a damaged Bunsen burner,
manifesting that the 'Scientific laboratory' mentioned in the prospectus
was no idle boast.
This prospectus, which was in dignified but incorrect English, laid
particular stress on the sound preparation for a commercial career given
in the Academy, but the army, navy, and civil