King Henry IV, Part 2 | Page 6

face-royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it; and yet he'll be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he's almost out of mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dombledon about the satin for my short cloak and my slops?
PAGE.?He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph: he would not take his band and yours; he liked not the security.
FALSTAFF.?Let him be damned, like the glutton! pray God his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand upon security! The whoreson smooth-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes, and bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with security. I looked 'a should have sent me two and twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me security. Well, he may sleep in security; for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it: and yet cannot he see, though he have his own lanthorn to light him. Where's Bardolph?
PAGE.?He's gone into Smithfield to buy your worship a horse.
FALSTAFF.?I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.
[Enter the Lord Chief-Justice and Servant.]
PAGE. Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking him about Bardolph.
FALSTAFF.?Wait close; I will not see him.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?What's he that goes there?
SERVANT.?Falstaff, an 't please your lordship.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?He that was in question for the robbery?
SERVANT.?He, my lord; but he hath since done good service at?Shrewsbury; and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?What, to York? Call him back again.
SERVANT.?Sir John Falstaff!
FALSTAFF.?Boy, tell him I am deaf.
PAGE.?You must speak louder; my master is deaf.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?I am sure he is, to the hearing of anything good.?Go, pluck him by the elbow; I must speak with him.
SERVANT.?Sir John!
FALSTAFF.?What! a young knave, and begging! Is there not wars? is?there not employment? doth not the king lack subjects? do not the rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.
SERVANT.?You mistake me, sir.
FALSTAFF.?Why, sir, did I say you were an honest man? setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat, if I had said so.
SERVANT.?I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and your soldiership aside; and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat, if you say I am any other than an honest man.
FALSTAFF.?I give thee leave to tell me so! I lay aside that which grows to me! If thou gettest any leave of me, hang me; if thou takest leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter: hence! avaunt!
SERVANT.?Sir, my lord would speak with you.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.
FALSTAFF.?My good lord! God give your lordship good time of day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad: I heard say your lordship was sick: I hope your lordship goes abroad by advice. Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time; and I most humbly beseech your lordship to have a reverend care of your health.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.
FALSTAFF.?An 't please your lordship, I hear his majesty is returned?with some discomfort from Wales.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?I talk not of his majesty: you would not come when I?sent for you.
FALSTAFF.?And I hear, moreover, his highness is fall'n into this same whoreson apoplexy.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?Well God mend him! I pray you, let me speak with you.
FALSTAFF.?This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy, an 't please your lordship; a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whoreson tingling.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?What tell you me of it? be it as it is.
FALSTAFF.?It hath it original from much grief, from study and perturbation of the brain: I have read the cause of his effects in Galen: it is a kind of deafness.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?I think you are fallen into the disease, for you hear not?what I say to you.
FALSTAFF.?Very well, my lord, very well: rather, an 't please you, it is the disease of not listening, the malady of not marking, that I am troubled withal.
CHIEF JUSTICE.?To punish you