King Henry IV, Part 2 | Page 6

mandrake, thou
art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never

manned with an agate till now: but I will inset you neither in gold nor
silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master, for a
jewel,--the juvenal, the prince your master, whose chin is not yet
fledged. I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than
he shall get one on his cheek; and yet he will not stick to say his face is
a face-royal: God may finish it when he will, 'tis not a hair amiss yet:
he may keep it still at a face-royal, for a barber shall never earn
sixpence out of it; and yet he'll be crowing as if he had writ man ever
since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he's
almost out of mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dombledon
about the satin for my short cloak and my slops?
PAGE.
He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than
Bardolph: he would not take his band and yours; he liked not the
security.
FALSTAFF.
Let him be damned, like the glutton! pray God his
tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally yea-forsooth
knave! to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand upon security! The
whoreson smooth-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes, and
bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is through with them in
honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they
would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with security. I
looked 'a should have sent me two and twenty yards of satin, as I am a
true knight, and he sends me security. Well, he may sleep in security;
for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines
through it: and yet cannot he see, though he have his own lanthorn to
light him. Where's Bardolph?
PAGE.
He's gone into Smithfield to buy your worship a horse.
FALSTAFF.
I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in
Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned,
horsed, and wived.
[Enter the Lord Chief-Justice and Servant.]

PAGE. Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for
striking him about Bardolph.
FALSTAFF.
Wait close; I will not see him.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
What's he that goes there?
SERVANT.
Falstaff, an 't please your lordship.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
He that was in question for the robbery?
SERVANT.
He, my lord; but he hath since done good service at

Shrewsbury; and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord
John of Lancaster.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
What, to York? Call him back again.
SERVANT.
Sir John Falstaff!
FALSTAFF.
Boy, tell him I am deaf.
PAGE.
You must speak louder; my master is deaf.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
I am sure he is, to the hearing of anything good.

Go, pluck him by the elbow; I must speak with him.
SERVANT.
Sir John!
FALSTAFF.
What! a young knave, and begging! Is there not wars?
is
there not employment? doth not the king lack subjects? do not the
rebels need soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it
is worse shame to beg than to be on the worst side, were it worse than
the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.
SERVANT.
You mistake me, sir.
FALSTAFF.
Why, sir, did I say you were an honest man? setting my

knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat, if I had
said so.
SERVANT.
I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and your
soldiership aside; and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat,
if you say I am any other than an honest man.
FALSTAFF.
I give thee leave to tell me so! I lay aside that which
grows to me! If thou gettest any leave of me, hang me; if thou takest
leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter: hence! avaunt!
SERVANT.
Sir, my lord would speak with you.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.
FALSTAFF.
My good lord! God give your lordship good time of
day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad: I heard say your lordship
was sick: I hope your lordship goes abroad by advice. Your lordship,
though not clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in you,
some relish of the saltness of time; and I most humbly beseech your
lordship to have a reverend care of your health.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to
Shrewsbury.
FALSTAFF.
An 't please your lordship, I hear his majesty is returned

with some discomfort from Wales.
CHIEF JUSTICE.
I talk not of his majesty: you would not