Kept in the Dark | Page 9

that she had hitherto concealed. There
had been some lover, probably, as to whom everyone had been silent to
him. He was a jealous man, and for a moment he had been hurt. He
would have said that his heart had been hurt. There was but little of
heart in it, for it may be doubted whether he had ever loved her. But
there was something pricked him which filled him for the instant with
serious thoughts. When he had asked the question he wished to see her
at his feet. There had come no answer, and he told himself that he was
justified in thinking the surmise to be true. He was justified to himself,
but only for the moment, for at the next had come her declaration that
all was to be over between them. The idea of the lover became buried
under the ruins which were thus made.
So she intended to escape from him! But he also would escape from her.
After all, what an infinite trouble would a wife be to him,--especially a
wife of whose docility in harness he was not quite assured. But there

came upon him as he rode home an idea that the world would say that
he had been jilted. Of course he would have been jilted, but there would
be nothing in that except as the world might speak of it. It was gall to
him to have to think that the world of Exeter should believe that Cecilia
Holt had changed her mind, and had sent him about his business. If the
world of Exeter would say that he had ill-used the girl, and had broken
off the engagement for mere fancy,--as she had done,--that would be
much more endurable. He could not say that such was the case. To so
palpable a lie the contradiction would be easy and disgraceful. But
could he not so tell the story as to leave a doubt on the minds of the
people? That question of another lover had not been contradicted.
Thinking of it again as he rode home he began to feel that the lover
must be true, and that her conduct in breaking off the engagement had
been the consequence. There had been some complication in the way of
which she had been unable to rid herself. At any rate it was quite out of
the question that he should have held himself to such an engagement,
complicated as it would have been with such a lover. There would be
some truth, therefore, in so telling the story as to leave the matter in
doubt, and in doubt he resolved that he would leave it. Before he got
back to the Deanery he was, he thought, thoroughly glad that he should
have been enabled so easily to slip his neck out of the collar.
CHAPTER III.
THE END OF THAT EPISODE.
Cecilia during the following day told no one what had occurred, nor on
the morning of the next. Indeed she did not open her mouth on the
subject till Maude Hippesley came to her. She felt that she was doing
wrong to her mother by keeping her in the dark, but she could not bring
herself to tell it. She had, as she now declared to herself, settled the
question of her future life. To live with her mother,--and then to live
alone, must be her lot. She had been accustomed, before the coming of
Sir Francis, to speak of this as a thing certain; but then it had not been
certain, had not been probable, even to her own mind. Of course lovers
would come till the acceptable lover should be accepted. The threats of
a single life made by pretty girls with good fortunes never go for much

in this world. Then in due time the acceptable lover had come, and had
been accepted.
And to what purpose had she put him? She could not even now say of
what she accused him, having rejected him. What excuse could she
give? What answer could she allege? She was more sure than ever now
that she could not live with him as his wife. He had said words about
some former lover which were not the less painful, in that there had
been no foundation for them. There had in truth been nothing for her to
tell Sir Francis Geraldine. Out of her milk-white innocency no
confession was to be made. But what there was had all been laid bare to
him. There had been no lover,--but if there had, then there would have
been a lie told. She had said that there had been none, and he had heard
her assertion with those greedy ears which men sometimes have for
such telling. It was a comfort to