Kent Knowles: Quahaug | Page 5

for the last ten years; been leading a double life?"
"I've found leading a single one hard enough. I have saved something, of course. It isn't the money that worries me, Jim; I told you that. It's myself; I'm no good. Every author, sometime or other, reaches the point where he knows perfectly well he has done all the real work he can ever do, that he has written himself out. That's what's the matter with me--I'm written out."
Jim snorted. "For Heaven's sake, Kent Knowles," he demanded, "how old are you?"
"I'm thirty-eight, according to the almanac, but--"
"Thirty-eight! Why, Thackeray wrote--"
"Drop it! I know when Thackeray wrote 'Vanity Fair' as well as you do. I'm no Thackeray to begin with, and, besides, I am older at thirty-eight than he was when he died--yes, older than he would have been if he had lived twice as long. So far as feeling and all the rest of it go, I'm a second Methusaleh."
"My soul! hear the man! And I'm forty-two myself. Well, Grandpa, what do you expect me to do; get you admitted to the Old Man's Home?"
"I expect--" I began, "I expect--" and I concluded with the lame admission that I didn't expect him to do anything. It was up to me to do whatever must be done, I imagined.
He smiled grimly.
"Glad your senility has not affected that remnant of your common- sense," he declared. "You're dead right, my boy; it IS up to you. You ought to be ashamed of yourself."
"I am, but that doesn't help me a whole lot."
"Nothing will help you as long as you think and speak as you have this morning. See here, Kent! answer me a question or two, will you? They may be personal questions, but will you answer them?"
"I guess so. There has been what a disinterested listener might call a slightly personal flavor to your remarks so far. Do your worst. Fire away."
"All right. You've lived in Bayport ten years or so, I know that. What have you done in all that time--besides write?"
"Well, I've continued to live."
"Doubted. You've continued to exist; but how? I've been here before. This isn't my first visit, by a good deal. Each time I have been here your daily routine--leaving out the exciting clam hunts and the excursions in quest of the ferocious flounder, like the one we're supposed--mind, I say supposed--to be on at the present moment--you have put in the day about like this: Get up, bathe, eat, walk to the post-office, walk home, sit about, talk a little, read some, walk some more, eat again, smoke, talk, read, eat for the third time, smoke, talk, read and go to bed. That's the program, isn't it?"
"Not exactly. I play tennis in summer--when there is anyone to play with me--and golf, after a fashion. I used to play both a good deal, when I was younger. I swim, and I shoot a little, and-- and--"
"How about society? Have any, do you?"
"In the summer, when the city people are here, there is a good deal going on, if you care for it--picnics and clam bakes and teas and lawn parties and such."
"Heavens! what reckless dissipation! Do you indulge?"
"Why, no--not very much. Hang it all, Jim! you know I'm no society man. I used to do the usual round of fool stunts when I was younger, but--"
"But now you're too antique, I suppose. Wonder that someone hasn't collected you as a genuine Chippendale or something. So you don't 'tea' much?"
"Not much. I'm not often invited, to tell you the truth. The summer crowd doesn't take kindly to me, I'm afraid."
"Astonishing! You're such a chatty, entertaining, communicative cuss on first acquaintance, too. So captivatingly loquacious to strangers. I can imagine how you'd shine at a 'tea.' Every summer girl that tried to talk to you would be frost-bitten. Do you accept invitations when they do come?"
"Not often nowadays. You see, I know they don't really want me."
"How do you know it?"
"Why--well, why should they? Everybody else calls me--"
"They call you a clam and so you try to live up to your reputation. I know you, Kent. You think yourself a tough old bivalve, but the most serious complaint you suffer from is ingrowing sensitiveness. They do want you. They'd invite you if you gave them half a chance. Oh, I know you won't, of course; but if I had my way I'd have you dragged by main strength to every picnic and tea and feminine talk-fest within twenty miles. You might meet some persevering female who would propose marriage. YOU never would, but SHE might."
I rose to my feet in disgust.
"We'll go clamming," said I.
He did not move.
"We will--later on," he answered. "We haven't got to the last page of the catechism yet. I mentioned matrimony because a good, capable,