Keeping up with Lizzie | Page 6

as the one that
owns 'em. The systems o' these fair ladies couldn't do their own work.
The physician an' the surgeon were added to the list o' their servants,

an' became as necessary as the cook an' the chambermaid. But they
were keeping up with Lizzie. Poor things! They weren't so much to
blame. They thought their fathers were rich, an' their fathers enjoyed
an' clung to that reputation. They hid their poverty an' flaunted the flag
of opulence.
"It costs money, big money an' more, to produce a generation of
invalids. The fathers o' Pointview had paid for it with sweat an' toil an'
broken health an' borrowed money an' the usual tax added to the price
o' their goods or their labor. Then one night the cashier o' the First
National Bank blew out his brains. We found that he had stolen
eighteen thousand dollars in the effort to keep up. That was a lesson to
the Lizzie-chasers! Why, sir, we found that each of his older girls had
diamond rings an' could sing in three languages, an' a boy was in
college. Poor man! he didn't steal for his own pleasure. Everything
went at auction--house, grounds, rings, automobile. Another man was
caught sellin' under weight with fixed scales, an' went to prison. Henry
Brown failed, an' we found that he had borrowed five hundred dollars
from John Bass, an' at the same time John Bass had borrowed six
hundred from Tom Rogers, an' Rogers had borrowed seven hundred an'
fifty from Sam Henshaw, an' Henshaw had borrowed the same amount
from Percival Smith, an' Smith had got it from me. The chain broke, the
note structure fell like a house o' cards, an' I was the only loser--think o'
that. There were five capitalists an' only one man with real money.

II
IN WHICH LIZZIE RETURNS TO HER HOME, HAVING MET A
QUEEN AND ACQUIRED AN ACCENT AND A FIANCE
"Sam Henshaw's girl had graduated an' gone abroad with her mother.
One Sunday 'bout a year later, Sam flew up to the door o' my house in
his automobile. He lit on the sidewalk an' struggled up the steps with
two hundred an' forty-seven pounds o' meat on him. He walked like a
man carryin' a barrel o' pork. He acted as if he was glad to see me an'
the big arm-chair on the piaz'.

"'What's the news?' I asked.
"'Lizzie an' her mother got back this mornin',' he gasped. 'They've been
six months in Europe. Lizzie is in love with it. She's hobnobbed with
kings an' queens. She talks art beautiful. I wish you'd come over an'
hear her hold a conversation. It's wonderful. She's goin' to be a great
addition to this community. She's got me faded an' on the run. I ran
down to the store for a few minutes this mornin', an' when I got back
she says to me:
"'"Father, you always smell o' ham an' mustard. Have you been in that
disgusting store? Go an' take a bahth at once." That's what she called
it--a "bahth." Talks just like the English people--she's been among 'em
so long. Get into my car an' I'll take ye over an' fetch ye back.'
"Sam regarded his humiliation with pride an' joy. At last Lizzie had
convinced him that her education had paid. My curiosity was excited. I
got in an' we flew over to his house. Sam yelled up the stairway kind o'
joyful as we come in, an' his wife answered at the top o' the stairs an'
says:
"'Mr. Henshaw, I wish you wouldn't shout in this house like a boy
calling the cows.'
"I guess she didn't know I was there. Sam ran up-stairs an' back, an'
then we turned into that splendid parlor o' his an' set down. Purty soon
Liz an' her mother swung in an' smiled very pleasant an' shook hands
an' asked how was my family, etc., an' went right on talkin'. I saw they
didn't ask for the purpose of gettin' information. Liz was dressed to kill
an' purty as a picture--cheeks red as a rooster's comb an' waist like a
hornet's. The cover was off her showcase, an' there was a diamond
sunburst in the middle of it, an' the jewels were surrounded by charms
to which I am not wholly insensible even now.
"'I wanted ye to tell Mr. Potter about yer travels,' says Sam.
[Illustration: "I wanted ye to tell Mr. Potter about yer travels." says
Sam.]

"Lizzie smiled an' looked out o' the window a minute an' fetched a sigh
an' struck out, lookin' like Deacon Bristow the day he give ten dollars
to the church. She told about the cities an' the folks an' the weather in
that queer, English way