Keeping up with Lizzie

Keeping up with Lizzie

The Project Gutenberg EBook of Keeping up with Lizzie, by Irving
Bacheller This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and
with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away
or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: Keeping up with Lizzie
Author: Irving Bacheller
Release Date: March 16, 2004 [EBook #11503]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK KEEPING
UP WITH LIZZIE ***

Produced by Al Haines

KEEPING UP
WITH
LIZZIE
BY

IRVING BACHELLER
ILLUSTRATED BY W.H.D.KOERNER

HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS NEW YORK AND
LONDON

COPYRIGHT, 1910, 1911, BY HARPER & BROTHERS
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA PUBLISHED
MARCH, 1911
C-N

TO
THE LOVING AND BELOVED "MR. ONEDEAR" I DEDICATE
THIS LITTLE BOOK

CONTENTS
CHAP.
I. IN WHICH THE LEADING TRADESMEN OF POINTVIEW
BECOME A BOARD OF ASSESSORS
II. IN WHICH LIZZIE RETURNS TO HER HOME, HAVING MET
A QUEEN AND ACQUIRED AN ACCENT AND A FIANCE
III. IN WHICH LIZZIE DESCENDS PROM A GREAT HEIGHT
IV. IN WHICH THE HAM WAR HAS ITS BEGINNING

V. IN WHICH LIZZIE EXERTS AN INFLUENCE ON THE
AFFAIRS OF THE RICH AND GREAT
VI. IN WHICH THE PURSUIT OF LIZZIE BECOMES HIGHLY
SERIOUS
VII. IN WHICH THE HONORABLE SOCRATES POTTER
CATCHES UP WITH LIZZIE

ILLUSTRATIONS
A DUEL WITH AUTOMOBILES
WITH HIS MIND ON THE SUBJECT OF EXTRAVAGANCE
"SEVEN DOLLARS A BARREL"
"I WANTED YE TO TELL MR. POTTER ABOUT YER TRAVELS,"
SAYS SAM
LIZZIE DROPPED INTO A CHAIR AND BEGAN TO CRY
BILL AN' I GOT TOGETHER OFTEN AN' TALKED OF THE OLD
HAPPY DAYS
WE SET OUT FOR A TRAMP OVER THE BIG FARM
"I'M A CANDIDATE FOR NEW HONORS"
THREE DAYS LATER I DROVE TO THE VILLA
THE BOY EXERTED HIS CHARMS UPON MY LADY
WARBURTON.
SHE LED US INTO THE BEDROOM
THEIR EYES WERE WIDE WITH WONDER

KEEPING UP WITH LIZZIE

KEEPING UP WITH LIZZIE
IN WHICH THE LEADING TRADESMEN OF POINTVIEW
BECOME A BOARD OF ASSESSORS
The Honorable Socrates Potter was the only "scientific man" in the
village of Pointview, Connecticut. In every point of manhood he was
far ahead of his neighbors. In a way he had outstripped himself, for,
while his ideas were highly modern, he clung to the dress and manners
that prevailed in his youth. He wore broadcloth every day, and a choker,
and chewed tobacco, and never permitted his work to interfere with the
even tenor of his conversation. He loved the old times and fashions,
and had a drawling tongue and often spoke in the dialect of his fathers,
loving the sound of it. His satirical mood was sure to be flavored with
clipped words and changed tenses. The stranger often took him for a
"hayseed," but on further acquaintance opened his mouth in
astonishment, for Soc. Potter, as many called him, was a man of insight
and learning and of a quality of wit herein revealed. He used to call
himself "an attorney and peacemaker," but he was more than that. He
was the attorney and friend of all his clients, and the philosopher of his
community. If one man threatened another with the law in that
neighborhood, he was apt to do it in these terms, "We'll see what Soc.
Potter has to say about that."
"All right! We'll see," the other would answer, and both parties would
be sure to show up at the lawyer's office. Then, probably, Socrates
would try his famous lock-and-key expedient. He would sit them down
together, lock the door, and say, "Now, boys, I don't believe in getting
twelve men for a job that two can do better," and generally he would
make them agree.
He had an office over the store of Samuel Henshaw, and made a
specialty of deeds, titles, epigrams, and witticisms.

He was a bachelor who called now and then at the home of Miss Betsey
Smead, a wealthy spinster of Pointview, but nothing had ever come of
it.
He sat with his feet on his desk and his mind on the subject of
extravagance. When he was doing business he sat like other men, but
when his thought assumed a degree of elevation his feet rose with it. He
began his story by explaining that it was all true but the names.
[Illustration: With his mind on the subject of extravagance.]
"This is the balloon age," said he, with a merry twinkle in his gray eyes.
"The inventor has led us into the skies. The odor of gasoline is in the
path of the eagle. Our thoughts are between earth and heaven; our
prices have followed our aspirations in the upward flight. Now