Jubilation, U.S.A. | Page 4

quarter in the slot.
Three lemons.
"It isn't very interesting, is it?" thought Sartan.
"Why don't we try the larger pieces?"
"A splendid idea, Brother."
The larger coins did not fit. Toryl proceeded to report this sad state of
affairs to Okie and was amazed when, for the eight large coins, Okie
rewarded him with twenty-four smaller ones. He went back to his
companion at the one-armed bandit.
They then dropped twenty consecutive quarters into the appropriately
named machine without getting so much as a single quarter in return.
"It is puzzling, is it not, Brother?"
"Yes, Sartan. From all indications it would seem to be a machine
totally without purpose."
"It does consume money."
"But why would one build a machine whose sole purpose is to consume
money?"
Sartan gave it some hard thought. "I don't know!"
"Remarkable!" Toryl concluded. "But nothing is done without a
purpose."
"Obviously we've found something that is."
"No, I do not believe that. Let me have the electro-analyzer."
* * * * *

The aliens were so engrossed in their problem as to be unaware that
Okie and two men at the bar were casting suspicious eyes on them.
Sartan fished around in his pocket and produced a small object in the
shape of an irregular triangle. Toryl took the electro-analyzer from him,
removed the cover and moved his finger around inside. He replaced the
cover and slapped the electro-analyzer against the side of the
one-armed bandit. When he took his hand away the small object stuck
to the machine like a leech.
Okie scratched his head and addressed one of the two men at the bar.
"What the hell you suppose they're doin', Sam? What's that gadget for?"
"Search me," replied Sam, a well dressed, stoop-shouldered gent, "but
if you want my opinion it doesn't look legal."
"Hey, Nugget!" yelled the barkeep.
Again the little old prospector hustled himself over to the bar.
"Nugget McDermott at your service! What'll it be, Okie?"
"Go on over and get the sheriff. Tell him there's two queer characters
here trying to jimmy one of my machines in broad daylight."
The old man's feet kicked up sawdust as he scampered out the door.
Okie kept his attention riveted to the two aliens.
Toryl was busy adjusting the electro-analyzer to the best possible
position.
"What if it does not respond to this machine?" Sartan wanted to know.
"I do not think the machine contains any type of metal with which we
are unfamiliar. We will have a reading in one minute."
The aliens took a step backward and waited.
A sudden noise, like that of a television tube exploding, jolted everyone

in the room, including Toryl and Sartan. The blackjack table emptied.
Gamblers left their machines. A semi-circle of the curious formed
around the two aliens. Okie lit out from behind the bar and elbowed his
way through the crowd.
The aliens' concentration was unbroken by the attention they had
aroused. With all the single mindedness of religious fanatics they
continued to observe the strange mechanical device.
Okie was dumbfounded to find the machine still in one piece and
doubly dumbfounded to discover it was behaving in a most
unconventional manner. It was emitting a low steady gurgling sound
and an occasional sputter or burp. The legs of the machine seemed
unsteady. Its body shifted back and forth in herky-jerky motions like an
old-fashioned washing machine. The three little Bell Fruit wheels were
spinning at the speed of an airplane propellor. Okie thought they might
never stop again.
"What the hell are you crazy galoots doing to my machine!" he
bellowed.
Before the aliens could answer there was another explosive sound,
causing the crowd to jump back several steps. Quarters fell from the
mouth of the machine, slowly at first, then at an alarming rate. The
coins fell, bounced and rolled all over the floor. The crowd gulped with
fascination.
"Holy catfish!" said one of the men, "how long since that blasted
thing's paid off?"
"Looks like this is the first time," said one of the others.
"You guys keep quiet!" yelled Okie.
The coins continued to fall for what seemed like a record time. The
crowd was spellbound. Okie watched in silent fury.
And the aliens were more confused than they had been when the

machine wasn't paying off.
* * * * *
The one-armed bandit finally coughed out its last quarter. The three
Bell Fruit wheels came to an abrupt halt, as though an inner spring had
snapped. The machine broke down. Certain observers later reported
that the poor thing actually looked exhausted.
The sheriff burst in the door with Nugget McDermott close behind.
"Sheriff, I want you to arrest these two tinhorns!" cried Okie.
"Tinhorns??" Sartan's face was creased with bewilderment.
"What's wrong, Okie?" asked the