Jubilation, U.S.A.

Jubilation, U.S.A., by G. L.
Vandenburg

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Title: Jubilation, U.S.A.
Author: G. L. Vandenburg
Release Date: September 12, 2007 [EBook #22589]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
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JUBILATION, U.S.A.
By G. L. VANDENBURG

You've heard, I'm sure, about the two Martians who went into a bar,
saw a jukebox flashing and glittering, and said to it, "What's a nice girl
like you doing in a joint like this?" Well, here's one about two
Capellans and a slot-machine....
Toryl pointed the small crypterpreter toward the wooden,
horseshoe-shaped sign. The sign's legend was carved in bright yellow
letters. Sartan, Toryl's companion, watched up and down the open
highway for signs of life. In seconds the small cylindrical mechanism
completed the translation.
The sign said:
JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!
The doggondest, cheeriest little town in America!
The two aliens smiled at each other. Unaccustomed to oral conversation,
they exchanged thoughts.
"The crypterpreter worked incredibly fast. The language is quite simple.
It would seem safe to proceed. The sign indicates friendliness," thought
Toryl, the older of the two Capellans.
"Very well, Brother," replied Sartan, "though I still worry for the safety
of the ship."
"Sartan, our instruments tell us that anyone who discovers the ship,"
Toryl explained, a trifle impatient, "will show a remarkable degree of
curiosity before they display any hostility."
Sartan agreed to dismiss his worries and the two aliens began to walk
along the barren highway. Before them, at a great distance, they could
see a cluster of small frame buildings. When they had walked a
hundred feet or more they encountered another sign.
JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!
WELCOME, STRANGER! See America first and begin with

JUBILATION!
And several hundred feet further two more signs.
THE ROTARY CLUB of Jubilation welcomes and extends the warm
hand of friendship to you!!!! You are now entering Paradise, brother!
HOWDY, STRANGER! COME RIGHT ON IN, STAY AWHILE
AND MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME!
--Jubilation Chamber of Commerce--
As members of a peaceful race, Toryl and Sartan naturally found the
signs encouraging. They walked at a sprightly pace.
A whirring noise behind them brought the two to a halt. They turned to
discover a pre-war Chevy choking its way along the road. The aliens
edged their way to a gulley along the side of the road. They were
confident of a friendly reception but, in the event their calculations had
been wrong, they poised themselves to make a break in the direction of
their ship.
The ancient Chevy sputtered by. The driver was almost as ancient as
the car, a bearded fellow with a stogy stuck between his teeth and a
crushed hat on his head.
The driver slowed down when he saw the aliens. "Howdy, strangers!"
he yelled cheerily. "Say, ain't you fellers a mite warm in them
coveralls?" He cackled merrily, put his foot to the floor and sped on by.
Sartan looked at his companion. "I am sorry, I should not have doubted
you, Brother. You were right. These people will welcome our visit. They
seem very cordial."
"Good, Sartan. Let us continue."
One hundred yards further they were confronted by still another brace
of signs. They stopped once more.

CITY LIMITS (Gambling allowed)
JUBILATION! WHERE TROUBLES never come due, 'cause the
Good Lord takes a likin' to YOU!
Where gloom and doom are outlawed and there's never any sadness.
Where a smile lights up the midnight sky and gives off only gladness!
(Gambling allowed)
The second sign was another in the shape of a horseshoe.
BEYOND THIS POINT YOU HAVE 4372 FRIENDS YOU NEVER
HAD BEFORE!!!
(Gambling allowed)
Suddenly Toryl stopped and played with several switches and dials on
the crypterpreter.
"What is wrong, Brother?" asked the puzzled Sartan.
"I receive no direct translation for the term 'gambling'."
"What is the closest term the machine gives?"
"Fraternizing."
Sartan laughed. "Now it is you who fret, Toryl. According to the
signpost legends 'fraternizing' would seem to be accurate."
* * * * *
A steady rolling sound of passionless one-armed bandits drowned out
all other noise in Okie's Oasis Bar. As a result, Toryl and Sartan drew
little attention when they entered. Except for their blue-metallic space
suits they looked like and were ordinary humans.

They proceeded rather timidly toward the bar. Okie, the proprietor, was
on duty readying the place for the night shift. Toryl held up his hand.