John Smith, U.S.A. | Page 4

you fly
Or paddle in
the stagnant pools that sweltering, festering lie-- I curse you and your
evil kind for that you do me wrong,
Engendering poisons that corrupt
my petted muse of song;
Go, get thee hence, and nevermore discomfit
me and mine-- I fain would barter all thy brood for one sweet draught
of wine!
So hither come, O sportive youth! when fades the tell-tale day-- Come
hither with your fillets and your wreathes of posies gay; We shall
unloose the fragrant seas of seething, frothing wine Which now the
cobwebbed glass and envious wire and corks confine, And midst the
pleasing revelry the praises shall be heard Of the large cold bottle,
_not_ the small hot bird.
THE MAN WHO WORKED WITH DANA ON THE "SUN".
Thar showed up out 'n Denver in the spring of '81
A man who'd
worked with Dana on the Noo York Sun.
His name was Cantell
Whoppers, 'nd he was a sight ter view Ez he walked into the orfice 'nd
inquired for work to do; Thar warn't no places vacant then--fer, be it
understood, That was the time when talent flourished at that altitood;
But thar the stranger lingered, tellin' Raymond 'nd the rest Uv what
perdigious wonders he could do when at his best-- 'Til finally he stated
(quite by chance) that he had done A heap uv work with Dana on the
Noo York Sun.
Wall, that wuz quite another thing; we owned that ary cuss Who'd
worked f'r Mr. Dana _must_ be good enough for _us_! And so we tuk
the stranger's word 'nd nipped him while we could, For if _we didn't_
take him we knew John Arkins _would_-- And Cooper, too, wuz
mousin' round for enterprise 'nd brains, Whenever them commodities

blew in across the plains.
At any rate, we nailed him--which made ol'
Cooper swear
And Arkins tear out handfuls uv his copious curly
hair--
But _we_ set back and cackled, 'nd had a power uv fun
With
our man who'd worked with Dana on the Noo York Sun.
It made our eyes hang on our cheeks 'nd lower jaws ter drop Ter hear
that feller tellin' how ol' Dana run his shop;
It seems that Dana was
the biggest man you ever saw--
He lived on human bein's 'nd
preferred to eat 'em raw!
If he had democratic drugs to take, before he
took 'em,
As good old allopathic laws prescribe, he allus shook 'em!
The man that could set down 'nd write like Dana never grew And the
sum of human knowledge wuzn't half what Dana knew. The
consequence appeared to be that nearly everyone
Concurred with Mr.
Dana of the Noo York Sun.
This feller, Cantell Whoppers, never brought an item in-- He spent his
time at Perrin's shakin' poker dice f'r gin; Whatever the assignment, he
wuz allus sure to shirk--
He wuz very long on likker and all-fired
short on work!
If any other cuss had played the tricks he dare ter play,
The daisies would be bloomin' over his remains to-day;
But,
somehow, folks respected him and stood him to the last, Considerin' his
superior connections in the past;
So, when he bilked at poker, not a
sucker drew a gun
On the man who'd worked with Dana on the Noo
York Sun.
Wall, Dana came ter Denver in the fall uv '83--
A very different party
from the man we thought ter see!
A nice 'nd clean old gentleman, so
dignerfied 'nd calm--
You bet yer life he never did no human bein'
harm!
A certain hearty manner 'nd a fullness uv the vest
Betokened
that his sperrits 'nd his victuals wuz the best; His face was so
benevolent, his smile so sweet 'nd kind,
That they seemed to be the
reflex uv an honest, healthy mind, And God had set upon his head a
crown uv silver hair
In promise of the golden crown He meaneth him
to wear;
So, uv us boys that met him out 'n Denver there wuz none

But fell in love with Dana uv the Noo York Sun.

But when he came to Denver in that fall uv '83
His old friend, Cantell
Whoppers, disappeared upon a spree; The very thought uv seein' Dana
worked upon him so
(They hadn't been together fer a year or two, you
know)
That he borrowed all the stuff he could and started on a bat,
And, strange as it may seem, we didn't see him after that. So when ol'
Dana hove in sight we couldn't understand
Why he didn't seem to
notice that his crony wa'n't on hand; No casual allusion--not a question,
no, not one--
For the man who'd "worked with Dana on the Noo York
Sun"!
We broke it gently to him, but he didn't seem surprised-- Thar wuz no
big burst uv passion as we fellers had surmised; He said that Whoppers
wuz a man he didn't never heerd about, But he might have carried