John Henry Smith | Page 9

know that no
man living can ever hope to approach its possibilities, and they also
know that it is the grandest sport designed since man has inhabited this
globe.
I have sometimes thought that this old globe of ours is nothing more
nor less than a golf ball, brambled with mountains and valleys, and
scarred with ravines where the gods in their play have topped their
drives. The spin around its axis causes it to slice about the sun. This
strikes me as rather poetic, and when I write a golf epic I shall elaborate
on this fancy.
Harding has no such conception of this whirling earth of ours. He is
fully convinced that it was created for the purpose of being
cross-hatched with railroads, and that it never had any real utility until
he gridironed the western prairies with ten thousand miles of rust and

grease. I thought of that as I watched him standing by the side of Carter,
his huge hands thrust deep in his pockets, his bushy head thrown back,
and a tolerant grin on his bearded lips.
I was practising putting on a green set aside for that purpose, and Carter
saw me and motioned me to come to him. He introduced Harding, who
shook hands and then glanced curiously at my putter.
"What do you call that?" he asked, taking it from my hand. It was an
aluminum putter of my own design, and I have won many a game with
it. I told him what it was.
"Looks like a brake shoe on the new-model hand-cars," he said,
swinging it viciously with one hand. "How far can you knock one of
those little pills with it?"
"I see that you do not play golf," I said, rather offended at his manner.
"No, there are a lot of things I do not do, and this is one of them," he
replied, and then he laughed. "But let me tell you," he added, "I used to
be a wonder at shinny."
I would have wagered he would make some such remark.
"Do you see that scar on the bridge of my nose?" he asked. "That came
from a crack with a shinny club when I was not more than ten years old.
Shinny is a great game; a great game! It requires quickness of eye and
limb, and more than that it demands a high degree of courage. It
teaches a boy to stand a hard knock without whimpering. Yes, sir,
shinny is a great game, and all boys should play it," and he rubbed the
scar on his nose tenderly.
A man who would compare golf with shinny is capable of contrasting
Venice with a drainage canal, and I came near telling him so. Golf and
shinny! Whist and old maid! Pink lemonade and champagne!
"No, sir, I never could see much in this golf game," said Harding,
handing back my putter. "It certainly isn't much of a trick to hit one of
those balls with a mallet like that. When I was your age," turning to
Carter, "I could swing a maul and send a railroad spike into five inches
of seasoned oak, and never miss once a week, and I'll bet that if I had to
I could do it again. That was what your father used to do for a living,
and if he hadn't worked up from a section boss to the presidency of a
railroad you would have something else to do besides batting balls
around a farm and then hunting for 'em. But I suppose you must like it
or you wouldn't do it."

"I think you would find the game interesting if you took it up,"
suggested Carter, whose father is nearly as rich as Harding. "Smith and
I will initiate you into the mysteries of the game."
"Oh, I suppose I'll have to play now that I'm here," he said, with the
most exasperating complacency. "My daughter plays some, and she is
as crazy about it as the rest of them. I don't see where the fascination
comes in. I called the other day on a man who was once in the Cabinet.
He is rich and famous, and can have anything or do anything he likes,
but he spends most of his time playing golf. I went to him and
attempted to induce him to represent us in a big railway lawsuit, but he
said it would prevent his playing in some tournament where he
expected to win five dollars' worth of plated pewter. What do you think
of that? Wouldn't take the case, and there was fifty thousand in it for
him! I roasted the life out of him."
"'If you would drop this fool game and pay the same amount of
attention to your political