John Henry Smith | Page 3

feats, but I have yet to learn that she golfs."
"I presume," I said, "that she will take up the game, and also the turf.
The three Hardings doubtless will form one of those delightful family
parties which add so much to the merriment of a golf course. I can shut
my eyes and see them hacking their way around the links; the daughter
pretty and more anxious to show off the latest Parisian golfing
costumes than to replace a divot; the father determined, perspiring, and
red of face, and the mother stout and always in the way."
"Isn't Mr. Smith the incorrigible woman-hater?" exclaimed Mrs.
Chilvers. "You did not talk that way before you became so infatuated
with golf, Mr. Smith."
"I am not a woman-hater," I protested, "but I--I don't like to----"
"Some day Smith will meet a fair creature on the golf links and lose his
drive and his heart at the same time," declared Chilvers. "That was the
way I was tripped up and carried into bondage," he added, his hand
wandering to his wife's waist.
"With the exception of Mrs. Chilvers," I said, and I came very near
making no exceptions, Miss Ross and Miss Dangerfield having left
us--"with the exception of Mrs. Chilvers, I have yet to see the woman
who shows to advantage with a golf regalia. If Miss Harding is
beautiful enough to overcome the handicap which always attaches to
the female golf duffer, she can give Venus odds and beat her handily."
"You will meet a golfing Venus some day," smiled Mrs. Chilvers,
willing that her sex should be attacked so long as she was exempt.
"That's what he will," added Chilvers; "I'm agile, but I slipped."
"The artists who depict the woman golfer as graceful and attractive," I
continued, "must draw from imagination rather than from models. In
my humble opinion a woman shows to better advantage climbing a
steep flight of stairs than in any possible posture in striking a golf ball."
"The ladies--God bless 'em--and keep them off the links!" muttered
Marshall.
"Why, Charlie Marshall!" exclaimed Mrs. Quivers. "I shall see that
your wife hears that!"
"Don't tell her; she'll beat him terribly," warned Chilvers. "Did you ever
hear, Boyd, why our friend Smith is so sour when he sees a lady on
these links?"

Chilvers has told that story on me many times, but Boyd declared he
had not heard it.
"As you know," began Chilvers, "Smith was born on this farm. It's the
ancestral Smith homestead, and Smith's relatives were very indignant
when he leased it to the Woodvale Golf and Country Club. What was
the name of that maiden aunt of yours, Smith?"
"My Aunt Sarah Emeline Smith," I replied.
"Yes, yes! Well, Aunt Sarah Emeline was especially incensed over this
act of sacrilege on Smith's part," continued this historian, and he
followed the facts closely, "and only once since has she stepped foot on
the broad acres where her happy girlhood was spent. It was my
good-fortune to meet her on that occasion, and I shall never forget it."
"Neither shall I," I said.
"On her visit here Aunt Sarah Emeline persisted in wandering over the
links. She had on a wonderful bonnet, and through it she glared
disdainfully at the members of the club who yelled 'Fore!' at her. She
was headed for the old mill, which now is used as a caddy house. I was
playing the last hole and thought she was well out of line of a brassey,
so I fell on that ball for all I was worth. I sliced it; yes, I sliced it
badly."
[Illustration: "... and threw it in the pond"]
Chilvers paused and seemed lost in thought.
"Did it hit her?" asked Boyd.
"Of course it hit her," resumed Chilvers. "Aunt Sarah Emeline is more
than plump, and since it did not hit her in the head I can't see how it
could have hurt her. She certainly was able to stoop down, pick up that
ball and throw it in the pond--and it was a new ball. I ran toward her
and apologised the best I could, and what she said to me made a lasting
impression. I suppose, Smith, that it was the most expensive sliced ball
ever driven on these links?"
"Very likely," I sadly replied. "The following day I received a letter
from Aunt Sarah Emeline informing me that she had cut me out of her
will. And you still slice abominably, Chilvers."
"Thus you see that Smith has solid reasons for his prejudice against the
gentler sex as golfists," concluded Chilvers.
I entered a general denial, and the conversation drifted into other
channels. As a matter of fact, my dislike of the woman golfer is based

on different grounds.
A pretty woman