J D Fuentes - Gut Impact | Page 6

keep what I want, so the
most important thing is getting what I want as fast as I can get it, before
my bag breaks. Damn thing is pretty unpredictable.
***
The story continues, but we’ll leave it aside until we’ve covered
some more techniques.

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8. Alignment, or Why Verbal Matching Works
When you Verbally Match someone, you are validating that person’s
perceptions of the physical world—that is, what he sees, feels, or hears—
and/or, that person’s generalizations about the world (e.g., “Men only
want sex,” “Women only want rich men,” “The earth is flat,” “The earth
is roughly spherical,” “Work is fun,” “Work sucks,” “Democrats employ
the politics of resentment,” “Republicans unselfconsciously rely on
advantages secured over generations,” “The sky is green,” “The future is
in plastic,” “This project is tough,” “This project is easy,” “Beliefs are
arbitrary extrapolations from and generalizations of random,
idiosyncratic personal experiences,” “Beliefs are sacred,” etc.).
As we suggested earlier, the instinctive, emotional part of the
mind is always on the lookout for sources of information that verify what
it is experiencing. When you offer a group of truths, the instinctive part
of the mind classifies you as a good source of information. When you
have been classifed as a good source of information, the Other,
instinctively, is moved more powerfully by what you suggest.
Good public speakers and salespeople often begin by saying
things which, frankly, are obvious. They know that while the listener, on
an analytical level, thinks, no kidding, schmuck, to an obvious remark,
that listener, on an instinctual, emotional level, responds with Yes, that’s
true...tell me more.
Several years ago, an internationally famous murder trial
involving a retired sports celebrity-cum-movie star featured a classic case
of very blunt Verbal Matching. The attorney for the defense, a celebrity
in his own right, began his summation to the jury by pointing out some
wonderfully obvious facts: You are in a courtroom; you have heard
testimony from one expert, and another expert, and some other expert;
you have been sitting a long time listening to these things; you have had
to consider a variety of things...
Listening, one thinks, No kidding.
Listening, one senses, Yes, that’s true...tell me more. And
therefore, one listens more closely, and more easily goes along with
what’s said.
The point is that saying things with which the listener agrees
establishes an alignment, a symmetry between your words and your
listener’s experience.
People crave alignment.

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Symmetry makes people feel good. Symmetry causes people to
relax. Symmetry, harmony, and proportionality are, in fact, the
ingredients of beauty, and communication possessed of symmetry is
perceived and experienced as beautiful.
Communication can exhibit two kinds of symmetry, two kinds
of alignment, each of which provides emotional punch. The first kind we
call Internal Alignment, the second, External Alignment.
Internal Alignment is a measure of how well the various
elements of your Output agree with one another. Does your facial
expression match your words? Does your posture match your words?
Does the pitch of your voice match your words? Does your facial
expression match your gestures? Et cetera.
External Alignment is a measure of how well your Output
matches the Output and the emotional and physiological state of the other
person. Do you both look casual and relaxed, with arms not crossed and
legs not crossed? Is one of you smiling, the other scowling? Are you both
speaking in soft tones? Are you breathing at the same pace? Are you
saying things he/she senses or believes to be accurate?
When you exhibit Internal Alignment—when all your
communicative Outputs are offering the same message—your message
has much more impact, and you seem more believable.
When you exhibit External Alignment—when your
communication matches the other person’s sensory experience, or
emotional/physiological state, or abstract beliefs—the other person feels
increasingly similar to you, feels more inclined to trust you, and feels
more inclined to absorb, experience, and learn from what you say.
Verbal Matching is one way of creating External Alignment, but there
are others which we will explore shortly.
A common useful pattern is to establish strong External
Alignment first, and then, when supplying the message or instruction you
want someone to absorb fully, to exhibit strong Internal Alignment.
Make the other person feel good, trust you, and open up to what you say,
and then make sure what you say has an impact.
Examples of External Alignment between you and O:
1) Wearing the same style of clothes.
2) Reclining or standing in the same way.
3) Walking in synchrony, your legs going back and forth at the same
time.

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4) Following the same bodily rhythm: when sitting, swinging your foot
at the same pace, or drumming a finger with the same rhythm O
moves a foot, or blinking at the same time, or breathing at the same
pace, or matching O’s respiratory rhythm with the movements of
your hand.
5) Seeming to hold the same beliefs, values, or feelings.
External Alignment which seems to be calculated—for example,
obviously mimicking someone else’s movements—tends to create
mistrust and irritation.
Internal Alignment is seeming to feel what you are saying; you
reduce your Internal Alignment by expressing conflicting emotions
with your body.
Examples of violations of Internal Alignment:
1) Having a blank expression or folding your arms when you’re talking
about how wonderful