Ixion In Heaven | Page 2

they began to smell a rat, and grew importunate. I entreated Dia to interfere; but she was a paragon of daughters, and always took the side of her father. If she had only been dutiful to her husband, she would have been a perfect woman. At last I invited Deioneus to the Larissa races, with the intention of conciliating him. The unprincipled old man bought the horse that I had backed, and by which I intended to have redeemed my fortunes, and withdrew it. My book was ruined. I dissembled my rage. I dug a pit in our garden, and filled it with burning coals. As my father-in-law and myself were taking a stroll after dinner, the worthy Deioneus fell in, merely by accident. Dia proclaimed me the murderer of her father, and, as a satisfaction to her wounded feelings, earnestly requested her subjects to decapitate her husband. She certainly was the best of daughters. There was no withstanding public opinion, an infuriated rabble, and a magnanimous wife at the same time. They surrounded my palace: I cut my way through the greasy-capped multitude, sword in hand, and gained a neighbouring Court, where I solicited my brother princes to purify me from the supposed murder. If I had only murdered a subject, they would have supported me against the people; but Deioneus being a crowned head, like themselves, they declared they would not countenance so immoral a being as his son-in-law. And so, at length, after much wandering, and shunned by all my species, I am here, Jove, in much higher society than I ever expected to mingle.'
'Well, thou art a frank dog, and in a sufficiently severe scrape. The Gods must have pity on those for whom men have none. It is evident that Earth is too hot for thee at present, so I think thou hadst better come and stay a few weeks with us in Heaven.' 'Take my thanks for hecatombs, great Jove. Thou art, indeed, a God!'
'I hardly know whether our life will suit you. We dine at sunset; for Apollo is so much engaged that he cannot join us sooner, and no dinner goes off well without him. In the morning you are your own master, and must find amusement where you can. Diana will show you some tolerable sport. Do you shoot?'
'No arrow surer. Fear not for me, ?giochus: I am always at home. But how am I to get to you?' 'I will send Mercury; he is the best travelling companion in the world. What ho! my Eagle!'
The clouds joined, and darkness again fell over the earth.
'So! tread softly. Don't be nervous. Are you sick?'
'A little nausea; 'tis nothing.'
'The novelty of the motion. The best thing is a beefsteak. We will stop at Taurus and take one.'
'You have been a great traveller, Mercury?'
'I have seen the world.'
'Ah! a wondrous spectacle. I long to travel.'
'The same thing over and over again. Little novelty and much change. I am wearied with exertion, and if I could get a pension would retire.'
'And yet travel brings wisdom.'
'It cures us of care. Seeing much we feel little, and learn how very petty are all those great affairs which cost us such anxiety.'
'I feel that already myself. Floating in this blue aether, what the devil is my wife to me, and her dirty Earth! My persecuting enemies seem so many pismires; and as for my debts, which have occasioned me so many brooding moments, honour and infamy, credit and beggary, seem to me alike ridiculous.'
'Your mind is opening, Ixion. You will soon be a man of the world. To the left, and keep clear of that star.'
'Who lives there?'
'The Fates know, not I. Some low people who are trying to shine into notice. 'Tis a parvenu planet, and only sprung into space within this century. We do not visit them.'
'Poor devils! I feel hungry.'
'All right. We shall get into Heaven by the first dinner bolt. You cannot arrive at a strange house at a better moment. We shall just have time to dress. I would not spoil my appetite by luncheon. Jupiter keeps a capital cook.'
'I have heard of Nectar and Ambrosia.' 'Poh! nobody touches them. They are regular old-fashioned celestial food, and merely put upon the side-table. Nothing goes down in Heaven now but infernal cookery. We took our chef from Proserpine.'
'Were you ever in Hell?'
'Several times. 'Tis the fashion now among the Olympians to pass the winter there.' 'Is this the season in Heaven?' 'Yes; you are lucky. Olympus is quite full.' 'It was kind of Jupiter to invite me.' 'Ay! he has his good points. And, no doubt, he has taken a liking to you, which is all very well. But be upon your guard. He has no heart, and is as capricious as he is