Indiscretions of Archie | Page 4

and if
he did marry her--well, what else was there to do?
From his point of view, the whole thing was a thoroughly good egg; but
Mr. Brewster, his father-in-law, thought differently, Archie had neither
money nor occupation, which was distasteful in the eyes of the
industrious Mr. Brewster; but the real bar was the fact that he had once
adversely criticised one of his hotels.
Archie does his best to heal the breach; but, being something of an ass,
genus priceless, he finds it almost beyond his powers to placate "the
man-eating fish" whom Providence has given him as a father-in-law

INDISCRETIONS OF ARCHIE
BY

P. G. WODEHOUSE
AUTHOR OF "THE LITTLE WARRIOR," "A DAMSEL IN
DISTRESS," "ONEASY MONEY," ETC.

NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY

COPYRIGHT,1921, BY GEORGE H, DORAN COMPANY
COPYRIGHT, 1920, BY INTERNATIONAL MAGAZINE
COMPANY (COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE)
PRINTED IN-THE-UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

DEDICATION TO B. W. KING-HALL
My dear Buddy,--
We have been friends for eighteen years. A considerable proportion of
my books were written under your hospitable roof. And yet I have
never dedicated one to you. What will be the verdict of Posterity on this?
The fact is, I have become rather superstitious about dedications. No
sooner do you label a book with the legend--
TO MY BEST FRIEND X
than X cuts you in Piccadilly, or you bring a lawsuit against him. There
is a fatality about it. However, I can't imagine anyone quarrelling with
you, and I am getting more attractive all the time, so let's take a chance.
Yours ever,
P. G. WODEHOUSE.

CONTENTS
I DISTRESSING SCENE IN A HOTEL II A SHOCK FOR MR.
BREWSTER III MR. BREWSTER DELIVERS SENTENCE IV
WORK WANTED V STRANGE EXPERIENCE OF AN ARTIST'S
MODEL VI THE BOMB VII MR. ROSCOE SHERRIFF HAS AN
IDEA VIII A DISTURBED NIGHT FOR DEAR OLD SQUIFFY IX A
LETTER FROM PARKER X DOING FATHER A BIT OF GOOD XI
SALVATORE CHOOSES THE WRONG MOMENT XII BRIGHT
EYES-AND A FLY XIII RALLYING ROUND PERCY XIV THE
SAD CASE OF LOONEY BIDDLE XV SUMMER STORMS XVI
ARCHIE ACCEPTS A SITUATION XVII BROTHER BILL'S
ROMANCE XVIII THE SAUSAGE CHAPPIE XIX REGGIE
COMES TO LIFE XX THE SAUSAGE CHAPPIE CLICKS XXI
THE-GROWING BOY XXII WASHY STEPS INTO THE HALL OF
FAME XXIII MOTHER'S-KNEE XXIV THE MELTING OF MR.
CONNOLLY XXV THE WIGMORE VENUS XXVI A TALE OF A
GRANDFATHER
CHAPTER I
DISTRESSING SCENE
"I say, laddie!" said Archie.
"Sir?" replied the desk-clerk alertly. All the employes of the Hotel
Cosmopolis were alert. It was one of the things on which Mr. Daniel
Brewster, the proprietor, insisted. And as he was always wandering
about the lobby of the hotel keeping a personal eye on affairs, it was
never safe to relax.
"I want to see the manager."
"Is there anything I could do, sir?"
Archie looked at him doubtfully.

"Well, as a matter of fact, my dear old desk-clerk," he said, "I want to
kick up a fearful row, and it hardly seems fair to lug you into it. Why
you, I mean to say? The blighter whose head I want on a charger is the
bally manager."
At this point a massive, grey-haired man, who had been standing close
by, gazing on the lobby with an air of restrained severity, as if daring it
to start anything, joined in the conversation.
"I am the manager," he said.
His eye was cold and hostile. Others, it seemed to say, might like
Archie Moffam, but not he. Daniel Brewster was bristling for combat.
What he had overheard had shocked him to the core of his being. The
Hotel Cosmopolis was his own private, personal property, and the thing
dearest to him in the world, after his daughter Lucille. He prided
himself on the fact that his hotel was not like other New York hotels,
which were run by impersonal companies and shareholders and boards
of directors, and consequently lacked the paternal touch which made
the Cosmopolis what it was. At other hotels things went wrong, and
clients complained. At the Cosmopolis things never went wrong,
because he was on the spot to see that they didn't, and as a result clients
never complained. Yet here was this long, thin, string-bean of an
Englishman actually registering annoyance and dissatisfaction before
his very eyes.
"What is your complaint?" he enquired frigidly.
Archie attached himself to the top button of Mr. Brewster's coat, and
was immediately dislodged by an irritable jerk of the other's substantial
body.
"Listen, old thing! I came over to this country to nose about in search
of a job, because there doesn't seem what you might call a general
demand for my services in England. Directly I was demobbed, the
family started talking about the Land of Opportunity and shot me on