Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl | Page 9

Harriet Jacobs

cross and unhappy. I wish I had died when poor father did."
I told him that every body was not cross, or unhappy; that those who
had pleasant homes, and kind friends, and who were not afraid to love
them, were happy. But we, who were slave-children, without father or
mother, could not expect to be happy. We must be good; perhaps that
would bring us contentment.
"Yes," he said, "I try to be good; but what's the use? They are all the
time troubling me." Then he proceeded to relate his afternoon's
difficulty with young master Nicholas. It seemed that the brother of
master Nicholas had pleased himself with making up stories about
William. Master Nicholas said he should be flogged, and he would do it.
Whereupon he went to work; but William fought bravely, and the
young master, finding he was getting the better of him, undertook to tie
his hands behind him. He failed in that likewise. By dint of kicking and
fisting, William came out of the skirmish none the worse for a few
scratches.
He continued to discourse, on his young master's _meanness_; how he
whipped the little boys, but was a perfect coward when a tussle ensued
between him and white boys of his own size. On such occasions he
always took to his legs. William had other charges to make against him.
One was his rubbing up pennies with quicksilver, and passing them off

for quarters of a dollar on an old man who kept a fruit stall. William
was often sent to buy fruit, and he earnestly inquired of me what he
ought to do under such circumstances. I told him it was certainly wrong
to deceive the old man, and that it was his duty to tell him of the
impositions practised by his young master. I assured him the old man
would not be slow to comprehend the whole, and there the matter
would end. William thought it might with the old man, but not with him.
He said he did not mind the smart of the whip, but he did not like the
idea of being whipped.
While I advised him to be good and forgiving I was not unconscious of
the beam in my own eye. It was the very knowledge of my own
shortcomings that urged me to retain, if possible, some sparks of my
brother's God-given nature. I had not lived fourteen years in slavery for
nothing. I had felt, seen, and heard enough, to read the characters, and
question the motives, of those around me. The war of my life had
begun; and though one of God's most powerless creatures, I resolved
never to be conquered. Alas, for me!
If there was one pure, sunny spot for me, I believed it to be in
Benjamin's heart, and in another's, whom I loved with all the ardor of a
girl's first love. My owner knew of it, and sought in every way to
render me miserable. He did not resort to corporal punishment, but to
all the petty, tyrannical ways that human ingenuity could devise.
I remember the first time I was punished. It was in the month of
February. My grandmother had taken my old shoes, and replaced them
with a new pair. I needed them; for several inches of snow had fallen,
and it still continued to fall. When I walked through Mrs. Flint's room,
their creaking grated harshly on her refined nerves. She called me to
her, and asked what I had about me that made such a horrid noise. I told
her it was my new shoes. "Take them off," said she; "and if you put
them on again, I'll throw them into the fire."
I took them off, and my stockings also. She then sent me a long
distance, on an errand. As I went through the snow, my bare feet
tingled. That night I was very hoarse; and I went to bed thinking the
next day would find me sick, perhaps dead. What was my grief on
waking to find myself quite well!
I had imagined if I died, or was laid up for some time, that my mistress
would feel a twinge of remorse that she had so hated "the little imp," as

she styled me. It was my ignorance of that mistress that gave rise to
such extravagant imaginings.
Dr. Flint occasionally had high prices offered for me; but he always
said, "She don't belong to me. She is my daughter's property, and I have
no right to sell her." Good, honest man! My young mistress was still a
child, and I could look for no protection from her. I loved her, and she
returned my affection. I once heard her father allude to her attachment
to me, and his
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