In the Midst of Alarms | Page 8

fresh butter, milk, and eggs. This, of course, is a disadvantage; but I shall try to get near someone who has never even heard of New York."
"You may find that somewhat difficult."
"Oh, I don't know. I have great hopes of the lack of intelligence in the Canadians."
"Often the narrowest," said the professor slowly, "are those who think themselves the most cosmopolitan."
"Right you are," cried Yates, skimming lightly over the remark, and seeing nothing applicable to his case in it. "Well, I've laid in about half a ton, more or less, of tobacco, and have bought an empty jug."
"An empty one?"
"Yes. Among the few things worth having that the Canadians possess, is good whisky. Besides, the empty jar will save trouble at the customhouse. I don't suppose Canadian rye is as good as the Kentucky article, but you and I will have to scrub along on it for a while. And, talking of whisky, just press the button once again."
The professor did so, saying:
"The doctor made no remark, I suppose, about drinking less or smoking less, did he?"
"In my case? Well, come to think of it, there was some conversation in that direction. Don't remember at the moment just what it amounted to; but all physicians have their little fads, you know. It doesn't do to humor them too much. Ah, boy, there you are again. Well, the professor wants another drink. Make it a gin fizz this time, and put plenty of ice in it; but don't neglect the gin on that account. Certainly; charge it to room 518."

CHAPTER III.
"What's all this tackle?" asked the burly and somewhat red-faced customs officer at Fort Erie.
"This," said Yates, "is a tent, with the poles and pegs appertaining thereto. These are a number of packages of tobacco, on which I shall doubtless have to pay something into the exchequer of her Majesty. This is a jug used for the holding of liquids. I beg to call your attention to the fact that it is at present empty, which unfortunately prevents me making a libation to the rites of good-fellowship. What my friend has in that valise I don't know, but I suspect a gambling outfit, and would advise you to search him."
"My valise contains books principally, with some articles of wearing apparel," said the professor, opening his grip.
The customs officer looked with suspicion on the whole outfit, and evidently did not like The tone of the American. He seemed to be treating the customs department in a light and airy manner, and the officer was too much impressed by the dignity of his position not to resent flippancy. Besides, there were rumors of Fenian invasion in the air, and the officer resolved that no Fenian should get into the country without paying duty.
"Where are you going with this tent?"
"I'm sure I don't know. Perhaps you can tell us. I don't know the country about here. Say, Stilly, I'm off uptown to attend to the emptiness in this stone utensil. I've been empty too often myself not to sympathize with its condition. You wrestle this matter out about the tent. You know the ways of the country, whereas I don't."
It was perhaps as well that Yates left negotiations in the hands of his friend. He was quick enough to see that he made no headway with the officer, but rather the opposite. He slung the jar ostentatiously over his shoulder, to the evident discomfort of the professor, and marched up the hill to the nearest tavern, whistling one of the lately popular war tunes.
"Now," he said to the barkeeper, placing the jar tenderly on the bar, "fill that up to the nozzle with the best rye you have. Fill it with the old familiar juice, as the late poet Omar saith."
The bartender did as he was requested.
"Can you disguise a little of that fluid in any way, so that it may be taken internally without a man suspecting what he is swallowing?"
The barkeeper smiled. "How would a cocktail fill the vacancy?"
"I can suggest nothing better," replied Yates. "If you are sure you know how to make it."
The man did not resent this imputation of ignorance. He merely said, with the air of one who gives an incontrovertible answer:
I am a Kentucky man myself."
"Shake!" cried Yates briefly, as he reached his hand across the bar. "How is it you happened to be here?"
"Well, I got in to a little trouble in Louisville, and here I am, where I can at least look at God's country."
"Hold on," protested Yates. "You're making only one cocktail."
"Didn't you say one?" asked the man, pausing in the compounding.
"Bless you, I never saw one cocktail made in my life. You are with me on this."
"Just as you say," replied the other, as he prepared enough for two.
"Now I'll tell you my