If | Page 7

Persia. It's being on the other side that is such a pity. If only it was in a country like, like . . .
JOHN
I'd soon find him. I'd . . . Why, a man like that deserves anything.
MIRALDA
It is good of you to say that.
JOHN
Why, I'd . . . And you say you never got a penny?
MIRALDA
No.
JOHN
Well, that is a shame. I call that a downright shame.
MIRALDA
Now, what ought I to do?
JOHN
Do? Well, now, you know in business there's nothing like being on the spot. When you're on the spot you can--but then, of course, it's so far.
MIRALDA
It is, isn't it?
JOHN
Still, I think you should go if you could. If only I could offer to help you in any way, I would gladly, but of course . . .
MIRALDA
What would you do?
JOHN
I'd go and find that Hussein fellow; and then . . .
MIRALDA
Yes? JOHN
Why, I'd tell him a bit about the law, and make him see that you didn't keep all that money that belonged to someone else.
MIRALDA
Would you really?
JOHN
Nothing would please me better.
MIRALDA
Would you really? Would you go all that way?
JOHN
It's just the sort of thing that I should like, apart from the crying shame. The man ought to be . . .
MIRALDA
We're getting into Holborn. Would you come and lunch somewhere with me and talk it over?
JOHN
Gladly. I'd be glad to help. I've got to see a man on business first. I've come up to see him. And then after that, after that there was something I wanted to do after that. I can't think what it was. But something I wanted to do after that. O, heavens, what was it?
[Pause.]
MIRALDA
Can't you think?
JOHN
No. O, well, it can't have been so very important. And yet . . . Well, where shall we lunch?
MIRALDA
Gratzenheim's. JOHN
Right. What time?
MIRALDA
One-thirty. Would that suit?
JOHN
Perfectly. I'd like to get a man like Hussein in prison. I'd like . . . O, I beg your pardon.
[He hurries to open the door. Exit MIRALDA.]
Now what was it I wanted to do afterwards?
[Throws hand to forehead.] O, never mind.
Curtain
ACT II
SCENE
JOHN's tent in Al Shaldomir. There are two heaps of idols, left and right, lying upon the ground inside the tent. DAOUD carries another idol in his arms. JOHN looks at its face.
Six months have elapsed since the scene in the second-class railway carriage.
JOHN BEAL
This god is holy.
[He points to the left heap. DAOUD carries it there and lays it on the heap.]
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
You are in no wise to call me great master. Have not I said so? I am not your master. I am helping you people. I know better than you what you ought to do, because I am English. But that's all. I'm not your master, See?
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
O, go and get some more idols. Hurry.
DAOUD
Great master, I go. [Exit.]
JOHN BEAL
I can't make these people out.
DAOUD [returning]
I have three gods.
JOHN BEAL [looking at their faces, pointing to the two smaller idols first] These two are holy. This one is unholy.
DAOUD
Yes, great master.
JOHN BEAL
Put them on the heap.
[DAOUD does so, two left, one right.]
Get some more.
[DAOUD salaams. Exit.]
[Looking at right heap.] What a--what a filthy people
[Enter DAOUD with two idols.]
JOHN BEAL [after scrutiny]
This god is holy, this is unholy.
[Enter ARCHIE BEAL, wearing a "Bowler" hat.]
Why, ARCHIE, this is splendid of you! You've come! Why, that's splendid! All that way!
ARCHIE BEAL
Yes, I've come. Whatever are you doing?
JOHN BEAL
ARCHIE, it's grand of you to come! I never ought to have asked it of you, only . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
O, that's all right. But what in the world are you doing?
JOHN BEAL
ARCHIE, it's splendid of you.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, cut it. That's all right. But what's all this?
JOHN BEAL
O, this. Well, well they're the very oddest people here. It's a long story. But I wanted to tell you first how enormously grateful I am to you for coming.
ARCHIE BEAL
O, that's all right. But I want to know what you're doing with all these genuine antiques.
JOHN BEAL
Well, ARCHIE, the fact of it is they're a real odd lot of people here. I've learnt their language, more or less, but I don't think I quite understand them yet. A lot of them are Mahommedans; they worship Mahommed, you know. He's dead. But a lot of them worship these things, and . . .
ARCHIE BEAL
Well, what have you got 'em all in here for?
JOHN BEAL
Yes, that's just it. I hate interfering with them, but, well, I simply had to. You see there's two sorts of idols here; they offer fruit and rats to some of them; they lay them on their hands or their laps.
ARCHIE BEAL
Why do they offer them rats?
JOHN BEAL
O, I don't know. They don't know either. It's the right thing to do out here, it's been the right thing for hundreds of years; nobody exactly knows why. It's like