If I May

໒
If I May, by A. A. Milne

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Title: If I May
Author: A. A. Milne
Release Date: January, 2005 [EBook #7365] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on April 21, 2003]
Edition: 10
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-Latin-1
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Produced by Stan Goodman and Curtis A. Weyant

IF I MAY
A. A. MILNE
* * * * *
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
NOT THAT IT MATTERS
Named by Life in its issue of October 28, 1920, as one of the best six current books.
"No better book for vacation reading." --Review
E. P. DUTTON & COMPANY
* * * * *
IF I MAY
BY
A. A. MILNE
AUTHOR OF "NOT THAT IT MATTERS," ETC.
NEW YORK
E. P. DUTTON & COMPANY
682 FIFTH AVENUE
COPYRIGHT, 1921,
BY E. P. DUTTON & COMPANY
All Rights Reserved
First Edition, October, 1921
New Popular Edition, 1925
Printed in the United States of America
* * * * *
These essays are reprinted, with such alterations and additions as seemed proper, from The Sphere, The Outlook, The Daily News, The Sunday Express (London) and Vanity Fair (New York).
A. A. M.
* * * * *

CONTENTS

THE CASE FOR THE ARTIST
A LONDON GARDEN
THE GAME OF KINGS
FIXTURES AND FITTINGS
EXPERTS
THE ROBINSON TRADITION
GETTING THINGS DONE
CHRISTMAS GAMES
THE MATHEMATICAL MIND
GOING OUT TO DINNER
THE ETIQUETTE OF ESCAPE
GEOGRAPHICAL RESEARCH
CHILDREN'S PLAYS
THE ROAD TO KNOWLEDGE
A MAN OF PROPERTY
AN ORDNANCE MAP
THE LORD MAYOR
THE HOLIDAY PROBLEM
THE BURLINGTON ARCADE
STATE LOTTERIES
THE RECORD LIE
WEDDING BELLS
PUBLIC OPINION
THE HONOUR OF YOUR COUNTRY
A VILLAGE CELEBRATION
A TRAIN OF THOUGHT
MELODRAMA
A LOST MASTERPIECE
A HINT FOR NEXT CHRISTMAS
THE FUTURE
THE LARGEST CIRCULATION
THE WATSON TOUCH
SOME OLD COMPANIONS
A HAUNTED HOUSE
ROUND THE WORLD AND BACK
THE STATE OF THE THEATRE
THE FIRES OF AUTUMN
NOT GUILTY
A DIGRESSION
HIGH FINANCE
SECRET PAPERS
* * * * *

IF I MAY
* * * * *

IF I MAY

The Case for the Artist

By an "artist" I mean Shakespeare and Me and Bach and Myself and Velasquez and Phidias, and even You if you have ever written four lines on the sunset in somebody's album, or modelled a Noah's Ark for your little boy in plasticine. Perhaps we have not quite reached the heights where Shakespeare stands, but we are on his track. Shakespeare can be representative of all of us, or Velasquez if you prefer him. One of them shall be President of our United Artists' Federation. Let us, then, consider what place in the scheme of things our federation can claim.
Probably we artists have all been a little modest about ourselves lately. During the war we asked ourselves gloomily what use we were to the State compared with the noble digger of coals, the much-to-be- reverenced maker of boots, and the god-like grower of wheat. Looking at the pictures in the illustrated papers of brawny, half-dressed men pushing about blocks of red-hot iron, we have told ourselves that these heroes were the pillars of society, and that we were just an incidental decoration. It was a wonder that we were allowed to live. And now in these days of strikes, when a single union of manual workers can hold up the rest of the nation, it is a bitter refection to us that, if we were to strike, the country would go on its way quite happily, and nine-tenths of the population would not even know that we had downed our pens and brushes.
If there is any artist who has been depressed by such thoughts as these, let him take comfort. We are all right.
I made the discovery that we were all right by studying the life of the bee. All that I knew about bees until yesterday was derived from that great naturalist, Dr. Isaac Watts. In common with every one who has been a child I knew that the insect in question improved each shining hour by something honey something something every something flower. I had also heard that bees could not sting you if you held your breath, a precaution which would make conversation by the herbaceous border an affair altogether too spasmodic; and,