I and My Chimney | Page 3

electronically, or by disk, book or any other
medium if you either delete this "Small Print!" and all other references to Project
Gutenberg, or:
[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this requires that you do not remove,
alter or modify the etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, if you wish,
distribute this etext in machine readable binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary
form, including any form resulting from conversion by word pro- cessing or hypertext
software, but only so long as *EITHER*:
[*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and does *not* contain characters
other than those intended by the author of the work, although tilde (~), asterisk (*) and
underline (_) characters may be used to convey punctuation intended by the author, and
additional characters may be used to indicate hypertext links; OR
[*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at no expense into plain ASCII,
EBCDIC or equivalent form by the program that displays the etext (as is the case, for
instance, with most word processors); OR
[*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at no additional cost, fee or expense,
a copy of the etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC or other equivalent
proprietary form).
[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this "Small Print!" statement.
[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the net profits you derive
calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you
don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are payable to "Project Gutenberg
Association/Carnegie-Mellon University" within the 60 days following each date you
prepare (or were legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax
return.
WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO?
The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, scanning machines, OCR
software, public domain etexts, royalty free copyright licenses, and every other sort of
contribution you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg Association /
Carnegie-Mellon University".
We are planning on making some changes in our donation structure in 2000, so you
might want to email me, [email protected] beforehand.

*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END*

Prepared by Stephan J. Macaluso

I and My Chimney
by Herman Melville

I and my chimney, two grey-headed old smokers, reside in the country. We are, I may say,
old settlers here; particularly my old chimney, which settles more and more every day.
Though I always say, I AND MY CHIMNEY, as Cardinal Wolsey used to say, "I AND
MY KING," yet this egotistic way of speaking, wherein I take precedence of my chimney,
is hereby borne out by the facts; in everything, except the above phrase, my chimney
taking precedence of me.
Within thirty feet of the turf-sided road, my chimney--a huge, corpulent old Harry VIII of
a chimney--rises full in front of me and all my possessions. Standing well up a hillside,
my chimney, like Lord Rosse's monster telescope, swung vertical to hit the meridian
moon, is the first object to greet the approaching traveler's eye, nor is it the last which the
sun salutes. My chimney, too, is before me in receiving the first-fruits of the seasons. The
snow is on its head ere on my hat; and every spring, as in a hollow beech tree, the first
swallows build their nests in it.
But it is within doors that the pre-eminence of my chimney is most manifest. When in the
rear room, set apart for that object, I stand to receive my guests (who, by the way call
more, I suspect, to see my chimney than me) I then stand, not so much before, as, strictly
speaking, behind my chimney, which is, indeed, the true host. Not that I demur. In the
presence of my betters, I hope I know my place.
From this habitual precedence of my chimney over me, some even think that I have got
into a sad rearward way altogether; in short, from standing behind my old- fashioned
chimney so much, I have got to be quite behind the age too, as well as running
behindhand in everything else. But to tell the truth, I never was a very forward old fellow,
nor what my farming neighbors call a forehanded one. Indeed, those rumors about my
behindhandedness are so far correct, that I have an odd sauntering way with me
sometimes of going about with my hands behind my back. As for my belonging to the
rear-guard in general, certain it is, I bring up the rear of my chimney--which, by the way,
is this moment before me--and that, too, both in fancy and fact. In brief, my chimney is