Hudibras | Page 5

tell in what degree it lies;
And, as he was dispos'd,
could prove it, 175 Below the moon, or else above it.
What Adam
dreamt of, when his bride
Came from her closet in his side:

Whether the devil tempted her
By a High Dutch interpreter; 180
If either of them had a navel:
Who first made music
malleable:
Whether the serpent, at the fall,
Had cloven feet, or none
at all.
All this, without a gloss, or comment, 185 He could unriddle in
a moment,
In proper terms, such as men smatter
When they throw
out, and miss the matter.
For his Religion, it was fit
To match his learning and his wit; 190
'Twas Presbyterian true blue;
For he was of that stubborn crew

Of
errant saints, whom all men grant
To be the true Church Militant;

Such as do build their faith upon 195 The holy text of pike and gun;

Decide all controversies by
Infallible artillery;
And prove their
doctrine orthodox
By apostolic blows and knocks; 200 Call fire and
sword and desolation,
A godly thorough reformation,
Which always

must be carried on,
And still be doing, never done;
As if religion
were intended 205 For nothing else but to be mended.
A sect, whose
chief devotion lies
In odd perverse antipathies;
In falling out with
that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss; 210 More peevish,
cross, and splenetick,
Than dog distract, or monkey sick.
That with
more care keep holy-day
The wrong, than others the right way;

Compound for sins they are inclin'd to, 215 By damning those they
have no mind to:
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they
worshipp'd God for spite.
The self-same thing they will abhor
One
way, and long another for. 220 Free-will they one way disavow,

Another, nothing else allow:
All piety consists therein
In them, in
other men all sin:
Rather than fail, they will defy 225 That which they
love most tenderly;
Quarrel with minc'd-pies, and disparage
Their
best and dearest friend, plum-porridge;
Fat pig and goose itself
oppose,
And blaspheme custard through the nose. 230 Th' apostles of
this fierce religion,
Like MAHOMET'S, were ass and pidgeon,

To whom our knight, by fast instinct
Of wit and temper, was so
linkt,
As if hypocrisy and nonsense 235 Had got th' advowson of his
conscience.
Thus was he gifted and accouter'd;
We mean on th' inside, not the
outward;
That next of all we shall discuss:
Then listen, Sirs, it
follows thus 240 His tawny beard was th' equal grace
Both of his
wisdom and his face;
In cut and dye so like a tile,
A sudden view it
would beguile:
The upper part thereof was whey; 245 The nether,
orange mix'd with grey.
This hairy meteor did denounce
The fall of
scepters and of crowns;
With grisly type did represent
Declining
age of government; 250 And tell with hieroglyphick spade,
Its own
grave and the state's were made.

Like SAMPSON'S heart-breakers, it
grew
In time to make a nation rue;
Tho' it contributed its own fall,
255 To wait upon the publick downfal,
It was monastick, and did
grow
In holy orders by strict vow;
Of rule as sullen and severe
As
that of rigid Cordeliere. 260 'Twas bound to suffer persecution
And

martyrdom with resolution;
T' oppose itself against the hate
And
vengeance of th' incensed state;
In whose defiance it was worn, 265
Still ready to be pull'd and torn;
With red-hot irons to be tortur'd;

Revil'd, and spit upon, and martyr'd.
Maugre all which, 'twas to stand
fast
As long as monarchy shou'd last; 270 But when the state should
hap to reel,
'Twas to submit to fatal steel,
And fall, as it was
consecrate,
A sacrifice to fall of state;
Whose thread of life the fatal
sisters 275 Did twist together with its whiskers,
And twine so close,
that time should never,
In life or death, their fortunes sever;
But
with his rusty sickle mow
Both down together at a blow. 280 So
learned TALIACOTIUS from
The brawny part of porter's bum

Cut supplemental noses, which
Wou'd last as long as parent breech;

But when the date of NOCK was out, 285 Off drop'd the sympathetic
snout.
His back, or rather burthen, show'd,
As if it stoop'd with its own load:

For as AENEAS bore his sire
Upon his shoulders thro' the fire,
290 Our Knight did bear no less a pack
Of his own buttocks on his
back;
Which now had almost got the upperHand
of his head, for
want of crupper.
To poise this equally, he bore 295 A paunch of the
same bulk before;
Which still he had a special care
To keep
well-cramm'd with thrifty fare;
As white-pot, butter-milk, and curds,

Such as a country-house affords; 300 With other vittle, which anon

We farther shall dilate upon,
When of his hose we come to treat,

The cupboard where he kept his meat.
His doublet was of sturdy buff, 305 And tho' not sword, yet
cudgel-proof;
Whereby 'twas fitter for his use,
Who fear'd no blows,
but such as bruise.
His breeches were of rugged woollen,
And had been at the siege of
Bullen; 310 To old King HARRY so well known,
Some writers held
they were his own.
Thro' they were lin'd with many a piece

Of
ammunition bread and cheese,
And fat black-puddings, proper food

315 For warriors that delight