much,?'Tis plain enough he was no such;?We grant, although he had much wit, 45 H' was very shy of using it;?As being loth to wear it out,?And therefore bore it not about,?Unless on holy-days, or so,?As men their best apparel do. 50 Beside, 'tis known he could speak GREEK?As naturally as pigs squeek;?That LATIN was no more difficile,?Than to a blackbird 'tis to whistle:?Being rich in both, he never scanted 55 His bounty unto such as wanted;?But much of either would afford?To many, that had not one word.?For Hebrew roots, although they're found?To flourish most in barren ground, 60 He had such plenty, as suffic'd?To make some
think him circumcis'd;?And truly so, he was, perhaps,?Not as a proselyte, but for claps.
He was in LOGIC a great critic, 65 Profoundly skill'd in analytic;?He could distinguish, and divide?A hair 'twixt south, and south-west side:?On either which he would dispute,?Confute, change hands, and still confute, 70 He'd undertake to prove, by force?Of argument, a man's no horse;?He'd prove a buzzard is no fowl,?And that a lord may be an owl,?A calf an alderman, a goose a justice, 75 And rooks Committee-men and Trustees.?He'd run in debt by disputation,?And pay with ratiocination.?All this by syllogism, true?In mood and figure, he would do. 80 For RHETORIC, he could not ope?His mouth, but out there flew a trope;?And when he happen'd to break off?I' th' middle of his speech, or cough,?H' had hard words,ready to show why, 85 And tell what rules he did it by;?Else, when with greatest art he spoke,?You'd think he talk'd like other folk,?For all a rhetorician's rules?Teach nothing but to name his tools. 90 His ordinary rate of speech?In loftiness of sound was rich;?A Babylonish dialect,?Which learned pedants much affect.?It was a parti-colour'd dress 95 Of patch'd and pie-bald languages;?'Twas English cut on Greek and Latin,?Like fustian heretofore on satin;?It had an odd promiscuous tone,?As if h' had talk'd three parts in one; 100 Which made some think, when he did gabble,?Th' had heard three labourers of Babel;?Or CERBERUS himself pronounce?A leash of languages at once.?This he as volubly would vent 105 As if his stock would ne'er be spent:?And truly, to support that charge,?He had supplies as vast and large;?For he cou'd coin, or counterfeit?New words, with little or no wit: 110 Words so debas'd and hard, no stone?Was hard enough to touch them on;?And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em,?The ignorant for current took 'em;?That had the orator, who once 115 Did fill his mouth with pebble stones?When he harangu'd, but known his phrase?He would have us'd no other ways.?In MATHEMATICKS he was greater?Than TYCHO BRAHE, or ERRA PATER: 120 For he, by geometric scale,?Could take the size of pots of ale;?Resolve, by sines and tangents straight,?If bread or butter wanted weight,?And wisely tell what hour o' th' day 125 The clock does strike by algebra.?Beside, he was a shrewd PHILOSOPHER,?And had read ev'ry text and gloss over;?Whate'er the crabbed'st author hath,?He understood b' implicit faith: 130 Whatever sceptic could inquire for,?For ev'ry why he had a wherefore;?Knew more than forty of them do,?As far as words and terms cou'd go.?All which he understood by rote, 135 And, as occasion serv'd, would quote;?No matter whether right or wrong,?They might be either said or sung.?His notions fitted things so well,?That which was which he could not tell; 140 But oftentimes mistook th' one?For th' other, as great clerks have done.?He could reduce all things to acts,?And knew their natures by abstracts;?Where entity and quiddity, 145 The ghosts of defunct bodies fly;?Where truth in person does appear,?Like words congeal'd in northern air.?He knew what's what, and that's as high?As metaphysic wit can fly; 150 In school-divinity as able?As he that hight, Irrefragable;?A second THOMAS, or, at once,?To name them all, another DUNCE:?Profound in all the Nominal 155 And Real ways, beyond them all:?For he a rope of sand cou'd twist?As tough as learned SORBONIST;?And weave fine cobwebs, fit for skull?That's empty when the moon is full; 160 Such as take lodgings in a head?That's to be let unfurnished.?He could raise scruples dark and nice,?And after solve 'em in a trice;?As if Divinity had catch'd 165 The itch, on purpose to be scratch'd;?Or, like a mountebank, did wound?And stab herself with doubts profound,?Only to show with how small pain?The sores of Faith are cur'd again; 170 Although by woeful proof we find,?They always leave a scar behind.?He knew the seat of Paradise,?Could tell in what degree it lies;?And, as he was dispos'd, could prove it, 175 Below the moon, or else above it.?What Adam dreamt of, when his bride?Came from her closet in his side:?Whether the devil tempted her?By a High Dutch interpreter; 180 If either of
Continue reading on your phone by scaning this QR Code
