How to Write Clearly | Page 7

*10. Equivalents for Relative.*
*(a) Participle.*--"Men thirsting (for 'men that thirst') for revenge are
not indifferent to plunder." The objection to the participle is that here,
as often, it creates a little ambiguity. The above sentence may mean,
"men, when they thirst," or "though they thirst," as well as "men that
thirst." Often however there is no ambiguity: "I have documents
proving this conclusively."
*(b) Infinitive.*--Instead of "He was the first that entered" you can
write "to enter;" for "He is not a man who will act dishonestly," "to
act." This equivalent cannot often be used.
*(c) Whereby, wherein, &c.,* can sometimes be used for "by which,"
"in which," so as to avoid a harsh repetition of "which." "The means
whereby this may be effected." But this use is somewhat antiquated.
*(d) If.*--"The man that does not care for music is to be pitied" can be
written (though not so forcibly), "If a man does not care for music, he is
to be pitied." It is in long sentences that this equivalent will be found
most useful.
*(e) And this.*--"He did his best, which was all that could be
expected," can be written, "and this was all that, &c."
*(f) What.*--"Let me repeat that which[9] you ought to know, that that

which is worth doing is worth doing well." "Let me repeat, what you
ought to know, that what is worth doing is worth doing well."
*(g) Omission of Relative.*--It is sometimes thought ungrammatical to
omit the relative, as in "The man (that) you speak of." On the contrary,
that when an object (not when a subject) may be omitted, wherever the
antecedent and the subject of the relative sentence are brought into
juxtaposition by the omission.
*10 a'. Repeat the Antecedent in some new form, where there is any
ambiguity.* This is particularly useful after a negative: "He said that he
would not even hear me, which I confess I had expected." Here the
meaning may be, "I had expected that he would," or "that he would not,
hear me." Write, "a refusal, or, a favour, that I confess I had expected."
See (38).
*11. Use particular for general terms.*--This is a most important rule.
Instead of "I have neither the necessaries of life nor the means of
procuring them," write (if you can with truth), "I have not a crust of
bread, nor a penny to buy one."
CAUTION.--There is a danger in this use. The meaning is vividly
expressed but sometimes may be exaggerated or imperfect. Crust of
bread may be an exaggeration; on the other hand, if the speaker is
destitute not only of bread, but also of shelter and clothing, then crust
of bread is an imperfect expression of the meaning.
In philosophy and science, where the language ought very often to be
inclusive and brief, general and not particular terms must be used.
*11 a. Avoid Verbal Nouns where Verbs can be used instead.* The
disadvantage of the use of Verbal Nouns is this, that, unless they are
immediately preceded by prepositions, they are sometimes liable to be
confounded with participles. The following is an instance of an
excessive use of Verbal Nouns:
"The pretended confession of the secretary was only collusion to lay
the jealousies of the king's favouring popery, which still hung upon him,

notwithstanding his writing on the Revelation, and affecting to enter on
all occasions into controversy, asserting in particular that the Pope was
Antichrist."
Write "notwithstanding that he wrote and affected &c."
*12. Use a particular Person instead of a class.*
"What is the splendour of the greatest monarch compared with the
beauty of a flower?" "What is the splendour of Solomon compared with
the beauty of a daisy?"
Under this head may come the forcible use of Noun for Adjective:
"This fortress is weakness itself."
An excess of this use is lengthy and pedantically bombastic, e.g., the
following paraphrase for "in every British colony:"--"under Indian
palm-groves, amid Australian gum-trees, in the shadow of African
mimosas, and beneath Canadian pines."
*13. Use Metaphor instead of literal statement.*
"The ship ploughs the sea" is clearer than "the ship cleaves the sea,"
and shorter than "the ship cleaves the sea as a plough cleaves the land."
Of course there are some subjects for which Metaphor should not be
used. See (14 a) and (14 b).
*14. Do not confuse Metaphor.*
"In a moment the thunderbolt was upon them, deluging their country
with invaders."
The following is attributed to Sir Boyle Roche: "Mr. Speaker, I smell a
rat, I see him brewing in the air; but, mark me, I shall yet nip him in the
bud."
Some words, once metaphorical, have ceased to be so regarded. Hence
many good writers say "under these circumstances" instead of "in these

circumstances."
An excessive regard for disused metaphor