How To Win Friends And Influence People | Page 6

clearly in mind. I once spent
almost two years writing a book on public speaking and yet I found I
had to keep going back over it from time to time in order to
remember what I had written in my own book. The rapidity with
which we forget is astonishing.

So, if you want to get a real, lasting benefit out of this book, don't
imagine that skimming through it once will suffice. After reading it
thoroughly, you ought to spend a few hours reviewing it every
month, Keep it on your desk in front of you every day. Glance
through it often. Keep constantly impressing yourself with the rich
possibilities for improvement that still lie in the offing. Remember
that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a
constant and vigorous campaign of review and application. There is
no other way.

6. Bernard Shaw once remarked: "If you teach a man anything, he
will never learn." Shaw was right. Learning is an active process. We
learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are
studying in this book, do something about them. Apply these rules at
every opportunity. If you don't you will forget them quickly. Only
knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.

You will probably find it difficult to apply these suggestions all the
time. I know because I wrote the book, and yet frequently I found it
difficult to apply everything I advocated. For example, when you are
displeased, it is much easier to criticize and condemn than it is to try
to understand the other person's viewpoint. It is frequently easier to
find fault than to find praise. It is more natural to talk about what
vou want than to talk about what the other person wants. And so on,
So, as you read this book, remember that you are not merely trying
to acquire information. You are attempting to form new habits. Ah
yes, you are attempting a new way of life. That will require time and
persistence and daily application.

So refer to these pages often. Regard this as a working handbook on
human relations; and whenever you are confronted with some
specific problem - such as handling a child, winning your spouse to
your way of thinking, or satisfying an irritated customer - hesitate
about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing. This is usually
wrong. Instead, turn to these pages and review the paragraphs you
have underscored. Then try these new ways and watch them achieve
magic for you.

7. Offer your spouse, your child or some business associate a dime
or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating a certain
principle. Make a lively game out of mastering these rules.

8. The president of an important Wall Street bank once described, in
a talk before one of my classes, a highly efficient system he used for
self-improvement. This man had little formal schooling; yet he had
become one of the most important financiers in America, and he
confessed that he owed most of his success to the constant
application of his homemade system. This is what he does, I'll put it
in his own words as accurately as I can remember.

"For years I have kept an engagement book showing all the
appointments I had during the day. My family never made any plans
for me on Saturday night, for the family knew that I devoted a part
of each Saturday evening to the illuminating process of self-
examination and review and appraisal. After dinner I went off by
myself, opened my engagement book, and thought over all the
interviews, discussions and meetings that had taken place during the
week. I asked myself:

'What mistakes did I make that time?' 'What did I do that was right-
and in what way could I have improved my performance?' 'What
lessons can I learn from that experience?'

"I often found that this weekly review made me very unhappy. I was
frequently astonished at my own blunders. Of course, as the years
passed, these blunders became less frequent. Sometimes I was
inclined to pat myself on the back a little after one of these sessions.

This system of self-analysis, self-education, continued year after
year, did more for me than any other one thing I have ever
attempted.

"It helped me improve my ability to make decisions - and it aided me
enormously in all my contacts with people. I cannot recommend it
too highly."

Why not use a similar system to check up on your application of the
principles discussed in this book? If you do, two things will result.

First, you will find yourself engaged in an educational process that is
both