History of the 305th Field Artillery | Page 9

than none.
When the guns arrived on November 10th the regiment gathered
around them, patted them fondly, examined their mechanism, peered
down their throats.
Pride leaped.
"God help Jerry when we show him these!'
But Jerry never saw them. Perhaps one day in the dust of some
ordnance museum they may be observed by all the world-precious
relics of the extended battle of the 305th at Camp Upton.
Ê
III
ANDÊ HE BECOMES ACQUAINTED WITH PAPER
WORK
PAPER WORK had now become our perpetual companion. Neither by
night nor by day did he leave us lonely. He strutted at mess. He paraded
across the drill ground. He sat by one's cot through the troubled
watches of the night. It becomes, therefore, necessary to study the
creature's habits.
Let us take a fanciful case that everyone can understand, since even in
those early days Corn Willy was omnipresent. Let us suppose that a
mess officer desires some information about this old friend. His

impulse might be to dash off a note like this:
"Capt. Blank. Dear Sir: Having heard that you've made a life study of
the subject, it's occurred to me that you might tell me how it is possible
to make Corn Willy palatable."
If one didn't care to bother the colonel about details of paper work,
Captain Gammell was always glad to put one right.
"Not at all, my dear young mess officer. Not at all. You must send it
through channels."
"I don't think his office is far away. I might just run up and see him."
"What nonsense, my poor ignorant young mess officer! In that case
what record would exist of this matter? "
So picture the mess officer in question studying in " Army Paper Work
" all about going through channels. As a result he might turn out
something like the following:
"Camp Upton, N. Y.
"October-, 1917. From: 2nd Lt. Blank, To: C. 0. Dept of Household
Enemies. Subject: Corn Willy.
1. Information is desired as to any known method of making corn willy
palatable.
(Sig) JOHN BLANK,
2nd Lt., 305th F.A.
That would occupy some two inches on a sheet of fools-cap. A few
months later Lt. Blank, probably in charge of stables now, might
receive a breathless messenger, bearing a huge envelope with his
original sheet of foolscap pinned to reams of endorsements. These
would run something like this:

Ist Ind. From C. 0., Bat'ry Blank, To C. 0., 305th F. A.
1. Forwarded.
92. Approved.
2nd Ind. From C. 0., 305th F. A. to Com. Gen. 152nd F. A. Brigade,
with, perhaps, a paragraph or two.
3rd Ind., From Com. Gen. 152nd F. A. Brigade, to Com. Gen. 77th
Division, with, perhaps, several paragraphs, scarcely ever more than a
word in length.
4th Ind., From Com. Gen., 77th Div., to Adjutant General of the Army.
1. For investigation of record of Private C. Willy.
5th Ind., From Adjutant General of the Army to Com. Gen., 77th Div.
I - Received.
2. Contents noted.
3. No record.
4. Should be forwarded to Quartermaster General of the Army.
6th Ind. From Com. Gen. 77th Div. to Quartermaster General of the
Army.
7th Ind. From Quartermaster General of the Army, to C. 0. Subsistence
Division.
8th Ind. C. 0. Subsistence Division, to Chief Q. M., Dept of East.
9th Ind. Chief Q. M., Dept. of East to C. 0. Eastern Subdivision
Department of Household Enemies.
10th Ind., From C. 0. Eastern Subdivision of Household Enemies to Lt.

Blank. (Through Channels)
1. Received.
2. Contents noted.
3. No method Known.
"What shall I do with it now that I've got it?" asks Lt. Blank.
"What would you suppose?" is the tolerant answer of the expert. "It has
become a matter of official record. Consequently it must be preserved
forever, or nearly so. File it away."
"There isn't much room left in our barracks," says Blank hopelessly.
But the expert, you may be sure, doesn't let him brood over that very
long.
"Your morning report was in a shocking state today, Blank."
"But I sat up all night, making out individual horse records."
"No excuse. How many horses have you got, anyway?"
Blank gulps.
"In the stables, or on paper?"
He retreats with visions of facing charges.
That matter of preparing charges, by the way, sprinkled with gray the
temples of organization commanders, and the scanning of charge sheets
made many an enlisted man fancy his last hour had arrived. Every
"Whereas," and "In that he did", must be in its proper place; and, no
matter how accurately the sheet might set forth the vivid language
usually employed by the accused, unless "or words to that effect"
capped the quotation the whole busi-ness was sent back to the drawer
with caustic comment.

In those days men learned to