History of the 305th Field Artillery | Page 9

might tell me how it is possible to make Corn Willy palatable."
If one didn't care to bother the colonel about details of paper work, Captain Gammell was always glad to put one right.
"Not at all, my dear young mess officer. Not at all. You must send it through channels."
"I don't think his office is far away. I might just run up and see him."
"What nonsense, my poor ignorant young mess officer! In that case what record would exist of this matter? "
So picture the mess officer in question studying in " Army Paper Work " all about going through channels. As a result he might turn out something like the following:
"Camp Upton, N. Y.
"October-, 1917. From: 2nd Lt. Blank, To: C. 0. Dept of Household Enemies. Subject: Corn Willy.
1. Information is desired as to any known method of making corn willy palatable.
(Sig) JOHN BLANK,
2nd Lt., 305th F.A.
That would occupy some two inches on a sheet of fools-cap. A few months later Lt. Blank, probably in charge of stables now, might receive a breathless messenger, bearing a huge envelope with his original sheet of foolscap pinned to reams of endorsements. These would run something like this:
Ist Ind. From C. 0., Bat'ry Blank, To C. 0., 305th F. A.
1. Forwarded.
92. Approved.
2nd Ind. From C. 0., 305th F. A. to Com. Gen. 152nd F. A. Brigade, with, perhaps, a paragraph or two.
3rd Ind., From Com. Gen. 152nd F. A. Brigade, to Com. Gen. 77th Division, with, perhaps, several paragraphs, scarcely ever more than a word in length.
4th Ind., From Com. Gen., 77th Div., to Adjutant General of the Army.
1. For investigation of record of Private C. Willy.
5th Ind., From Adjutant General of the Army to Com. Gen., 77th Div.
I - Received.
2. Contents noted.
3. No record.
4. Should be forwarded to Quartermaster General of the Army.
6th Ind. From Com. Gen. 77th Div. to Quartermaster General of the Army.
7th Ind. From Quartermaster General of the Army, to C. 0. Subsistence Division.
8th Ind. C. 0. Subsistence Division, to Chief Q. M., Dept of East.
9th Ind. Chief Q. M., Dept. of East to C. 0. Eastern Subdivision Department of Household Enemies.
10th Ind., From C. 0. Eastern Subdivision of Household Enemies to Lt. Blank. (Through Channels)
1. Received.
2. Contents noted.
3. No method Known.
"What shall I do with it now that I've got it?" asks Lt. Blank.
"What would you suppose?" is the tolerant answer of the expert. "It has become a matter of official record. Consequently it must be preserved forever, or nearly so. File it away."
"There isn't much room left in our barracks," says Blank hopelessly.
But the expert, you may be sure, doesn't let him brood over that very long.
"Your morning report was in a shocking state today, Blank."
"But I sat up all night, making out individual horse records."
"No excuse. How many horses have you got, anyway?"
Blank gulps.
"In the stables, or on paper?"
He retreats with visions of facing charges.
That matter of preparing charges, by the way, sprinkled with gray the temples of organization commanders, and the scanning of charge sheets made many an enlisted man fancy his last hour had arrived. Every "Whereas," and "In that he did", must be in its proper place; and, no matter how accurately the sheet might set forth the vivid language usually employed by the accused, unless "or words to that effect" capped the quotation the whole busi-ness was sent back to the drawer with caustic comment.
In those days men learned to be expert witnesses, and officers became judge advocates, counsels for the defense, and judges with supreme power. But most of the cases brought before the regimental courts martial were not vicious ones. There really were surprisingly few of any sort. It was inevitable we should have one type of case, for home was very near Camp Upton, and passes were not plentiful. A handful of men, when they did get home, found it strangely simple to miss the proper trains back. When they missed too many, battery punishment wouldn't cover the crime, and they had to stand trial.
Tuesday was the worst day. Then such little dramas as this were not infrequent:
Scene: The orderly room. Battery Commander at his desk, outwardly tyrannous and uncompromising; at heart, fighting a very human sympathy (Some battery commanders have been known to wish that they, too, might have stayed an extra twenty-four hours with their families). Opposite: Culprit stands, shame-faced, pulling at his hat. B. C.-Stop pulling at your hat. Stand at attention. (Culprit snaps his heels together)
B. C. -Now, Doe, what possible excuse have you for overstaying your pass twenty-four hours? The time was written down. The other men got back. You know what it means, Doe, to be A. W. 0. L.
(That sequence of four letters has a sound suggestive of blank walls and firing squads.)
Culprit, (Head drooping, voice thin and tremulous) Well, sir, you