Her Weight in Gold | Page 5

thing I've ever done. Be good enough to read this paper
very carefully before signing."
General Gamble put on his glasses and read the brief, but ample
contract which bound him to pay to Edward Peabody Ten Eyck, on the
day that he was married to Martha Gamble, for better or for worse, an
amount equivalent to the value of her weight in pure gold. He hesitated
for one brief, dubious moment, then called for pen, ink, and paper.
When these articles were brought to him, he deliberately drew up a
second contract by which Edward Ten Eyck bound himself to wed
Martha Gamble (and no other) on a day to be named by mutual consent
at a later date--but not very much later, he was privately resolved.
"Now," said he, "we'll each sign one. You sha'n't get the better of me,
my boy."
Each signed in the presence of two waiters, neither of whom knew the
nature of the instruments.
"Troy weight," said the General magnanimously. "She is a jewel, you
know."
"Certainly. It's stipulated in the contract--twenty-four carat gold. You
said pure, you remember. You may have noticed that I take her at the
prevailing market price of gold. It is now four cents a carat.
Twenty-four carats in a pennyweight. That makes ninety-six cents per
pennyweight. Twenty pennyweight in an ounce, and there we have
nineteen dollars and twenty cents per ounce. We'll--we'll weigh her in
by ounces."
"That's reasonable. The price of gold isn't likely to fluctuate much."
"It must be distinctly understood that you keep her well-fed from this
day on, General. I won't have her fluctuating. She hasn't any silly
notions about reducing, has she?"

"My dear fellow, she poses as a Venus," cried the General. "Good! And
here's another point: pardon me for suggesting it, but you understand
that she's to weigh in--er--that is to say, her clothing is to be weighed in
with her."
"What's that?"
"You heard what I said. She's to be settled for--dressed." "Good Lord,
she isn't a chicken!"
"Nobody said she was. It is fit and proper that her garments should be
weighed with her. Hang it all, man, I'm marrying her clothes as well as
anything else."
"I will not agree to that. It's preposterous."
"I don't mean her entire wardrobe. Just the going-away gown and hat.
You can't very well ask her to weigh herself without any--But as
gentlemen we need not pursue the matter any farther. You shall have
your way about it."
"She has a fine pair of scales in her bedroom. She weighs herself every
night for her own gratification. I don't see why she can't do it once or
twice for my sake."
"But women are such dreadful liars about their own weight. She'll be
sure to lop off fifteen or twenty pounds in the telling. Hang it, I want
witnesses."
The General assumed a look of distress. "Remember, sir, that you are
speaking of your future wife. You'll have to take her word."
Eddie slumped down in his chair, muttering something about
niggardliness.
"I suppose I'll have to concede the point." His eyes twinkled. "I say, it
would be a horrible shock to you, General, if she were to refuse me
to-night."

"She sha--WON'T!" said the General, setting his jaw, but turning a
shade paler. "She'll jump at the chance."
Eddie sighed dismally. "Doesn't it really seem awful to you?"
"Having you for a son-in-law? YES."
"You know I'm only doing this because I want to set up in business for
myself and need the money," explained the groom-elect in an effort to
justify himself. "Oh, another little point. I'd almost forgotten it. I
suppose it will be perfectly convenient for us to live with you for a year
or two, until I--"
"No!" thundered the General. "Not by a long shot! You go to
housekeeping at once, do you understand?"
"But think of her poor mother's feelings--"
"Her mother has nothing whatever to do with it, sir. See here, we'll put
that in the contract." He was visibly disturbed by the thought of what
the oversight might have meant to him. "And now, when shall we have
the wedding?"
"Perhaps we'd better leave that to Martha."
"We'll leave nothing to anybody."
"She'll want to get a trousseau together and all that sort of thing. I'm
ready to go through with it at any time, but you know what girls are."
He was perspiring.
"Yes," said the General with a reminiscent light in his eye. "I daresay
they all enjoy a few weeks of courtship and love-making."
Eddie gulped suddenly and then shot a quick, hunted look toward the
buffet door.
"Have a drink?" demanded the other abruptly. He had caught the sign
of danger.

They strolled into the buffet, arm-in-arm, one loving the