Her Own Way | Page 8

do anything I don't want to.
GEORGIANA. Then you'd be the most wonderful person in the world, and they'd put you in wax in the Eden Mus��e!
STEVEN. [Kissing PHIL, then CHRIS, then TOOTS.] Good-by, dears.
THE CHILDREN. [Dolefully.] Good-by.
[STEVEN crosses to the door Left.
GEORGIANA. Never mind, I'll finish with you. Don't turn around, Phil.
LIZZIE. [At the door Left.] Beg pardon, sir, but Moles has been and told me what you was going to do for him, sir. Would you be considering it great impertinence if I asked you to take six hundred dollars what I've saved, sir, and do things with it?
STEVEN. Certainly, Lizzie, send it by Moles in the morning.
LIZZIE. [Delighted.] Oh, thank you, sir!
STEVEN. I'm glad to do it; you've served us faithfully for some years now, Lizzie.
[He goes out.
LIZZIE. He's gone, miss.
[She goes out also.
GEORGIANA. [Calls.] Ready!
[PHILIP turns and looks about the room, then begins to look under things. He sees his AUNT GEORGIANA first and is about to touch her, but she laughingly motions him not to and points out TOOTS'S hiding place.
PHILIP. [Finding TOOTS, touches him.] You're it!
TOOTS. [Very pleased.] I'm it! I'm it!
[Jumps up and down.
CHRISTOPHER. [Disappointed.] Somebody find me.
PHILIP. Oh, come on out from behind the curtain--you're--easy.
[CHRISTOPHER comes out. Meanwhile COLEMAN is heard calling, "Hello, Phil, Phil," outside as he comes up the stairs.
PHILIP. [By the hobby horse.] It's Mr. Dick!
THE CHILDREN. It's Mr. Dick!
GEORGIANA. Oh!
[Starts to get out from under the table, but COLEMAN enters, so she crawls back.
[LIEUTENANT RICHARD COLEMAN is a handsome, finely built man of about thirty-two. He is a West Pointer, is a good oarsman, a crack shot, and a good fellow all around. No finicking about him, no nerves. Just a sane, healthy, fine fellow.
DICK. Hello! Many happy returns, Phil. [Shakes hands.] Where's your Aunt Georgiana! [Silence.] Is she out?
PHIL. No, she's under the table!
CHRISTOPHER AND TOOTS. [Delighted.] She's under the table! She's under the table!
DICK. [Laughing.] What!
PHILIP. Hide and seek.
[DICK looks under the table; he and GEORGIANA laugh.
DICK. Good morning, are you at home?
GEORGIANA. [Very embarrassed.] Oh, mercy! Do go away so I can get out!
DICK. [Tremendously amused.] Come on out!
GEORGIANA. No! I can't with you there. [Laughing.] Please leave the room for just one minute!
DICK. Not if I know it! Come on out!
GEORGIANA. Not for worlds! Go away, please! [DICK shakes his head "No."] Then I shall never come out.
DICK. Ah, but that's hardly fair, because I want to talk to you comfortably.
GEORGIANA. Well, then, come on under!
DICK. Is there room?
GEORGIANA. A cable car conductor who knew his business could seat four more people in here.
DICK. Still--I think I'm more comfortable up here.
GEORGIANA. Selfish! Go on away! [DICK shakes his head.] Children, if you love your auntie, go for Mr. Dick with all your might and main and push him into the hall.
[The children shout and rush toward DICK; they catch hold of him.
THE CHILDREN. Go away!
DICK. [With mock ferocity.] The first child I get hold of I'll spank!
[The children laugh and shout and run away from him to behind the table.
THE CHILDREN. Spank!
GEORGIANA. Ogre! Very well! After all, I'm not vain! It would take Barnum's human snake to get out of this gracefully, anyway!
[Coming out, arranging her dress and hair.
DICK. Have some help?
GEORGIANA. No, thank you. But still, what a horrid person you are, aren't you?
[They both laugh.
DICK. You aren't!
GEORGIANA. O dear me! Making up now with a compliment! Well, what do you think of my birthday antics? Playing hide and seek--or, perhaps, trained elephants--doesn't interest you!
CHRISTOPHER. Lelephants! Oh, Auntie! Is the circus coming?
[The children give themselves up to transports. PHIL hugs TOOTS and repeats "Circus."
GEORGIANA. No, darling, but this circus is going--your old-maid aunt--to put herself to rights!
DICK. You couldn't improve on present appearances!
GEORGIANA. Really! Such fine speeches! But they don't go with your manners! Would you like to join in the game?
PHILIP. Oh, yes! Hurrah!
[Runs to DICK, when MRS. CARLEY comes in from the Left.
MRS. CARLEY. Well! What's going on?
PHILIP. Birthdays!
MRS. CARLEY. Not for me!
GEORGIANA. Don't you want to play hide and go seek, mother?
MRS. CARLEY. I'm playing it all the time with old age! That's enough!
GEORGIANA. Well, excuse me, please, while I repair damages.
[She goes out Right.
DICK. [Calls.] Come back.
CHILDREN. [Calling.] Come back!
MRS. CARLEY. I want the children for a few minutes.
THE CHILDREN. [Disappointed.] Oh, Grannie!
[She goes to children and drives them off Left ahead of her.
THE CHILDREN. Oh, Grandma!
MRS. CARLEY. Mrs. Vale is downstairs with the twins, to wish Phil many happy returns.
[The children go out Left unwillingly. MRS. CARLEY comes back.
DICK. Going to spoil our game, Grandma?
MRS. CARLEY. Don't you grandma me! You're old enough for me to marry you.
DICK. Help!
MRS. CARLEY. Don't worry! Having lost two good husbands, I'm not going to risk losing a third.
DICK. I breathe freely once more.
MRS. CARLEY. I thought Sammy Coast was here.
DICK. Not since