Her Own Way | Page 3

CHRISTOPHER.
CHRISTOPHER. Mr. Dick Coleman is gooder as Cousin Sammy Coast.
ELAINE. Aunt Georgiana is goodest as him!
CHRISTOPHER. Aunt Georgiana is gooder as mamma!
TOOTS. And most goodest as grandma.
[LIZZIE exchanges a glance with MOLES and goes out Right.
PHILIP. Grandma! Rats!
MOLES. [To PHILIP.] Sh!
PHILIP. [Shouts.] Stop, Chris! He's taking too much ice cream!
ALL THE CHILDREN. Chris! Chris!
[They keep up the clamor, laughing and shouting, till LIZZIE comes back.
LIZZIE. Children! here comes grandma.
PHILIP. [Disgusted.] Oh, pshaw!
CHRISTOPHER. Don't want grandma.
LIZZIE. Sh!
[MRS. CARLEY comes in from the Right. She is a middle-aged woman, of faded prettiness and frivolous manner. Every line and bit of character has been massaged out of her face. There is a sudden, embarrassed, and gloomy silence on the part of the children.
MRS. CARLEY. Well, children, having a lovely party?
PHILIP. [Grudgingly.] Yes, ma'am!
ELAINE. [Politely.] Yes, ma'am.
CHRISTOPHER. Aunt Georgiana's party!
MRS. CARLEY. Yes, dear, it's too bad mamma is ill in bed. She says when you are all through, you may come up and say how do you do, while she kisses Phil. [Silence.] That will be nice, won't it?
PHILIP. [Grudgingly.] Yes, ma'am.
ELAINE. Yes, ma'am.
CHRISTOPHER. Yes, ma'am.
TOOTS. No!
MRS. CARLEY. We are glad you could come in, Elaine, and help celebrate Philip's birthday.
ELAINE. Thank you, ma'am!
[TOOTS is mashing his ice cream strenuously with a spoon.
MRS. CARLEY. Toots! don't be naughty and don't mash your ice cream up like that.
TOOTS. I like it.
CHRISTOPHER. Me too--it makes soup!
[Copying TOOTS.
MRS. CARLEY. Your collar's crooked, Chris.
[Arranging it.
CHRISTOPHER. Ouch!
[Squirming.
MRS. CARLEY. Phil, shall grandma cut your cake for you?
PHILIP. No, ma'am, Auntie Georgiana's going to cut it.
MRS. CARLEY. Oh, very well. How's your mamma, Elaine? Is she going to the big ball to-morrow?
ELAINE. Yes, ma'am.
MRS. CARLEY. We feel dreadfully. Philip's mamma's illness prevents our going.
ELAINE. Mamma said you weren't invited.
MRS. CARLEY. [Pats PHILIP on the head, to his great disgust and discomfort.] Your mamma had better mind! Your mamma is mistaken! Good-by, children, grandma is sorry she can't stay and have a good time with you. I am going to call, Elaine, on the Countess of Worling, Mrs. Tom Cooley's daughter. I don't think your mother knows them. Good-by, dears, enjoy yourselves.
[She goes out Left.
[Silence till the door is well shut behind grandma, and then the children break out with shouts, all of them, of "Good-by, Grandma. Good-by," repeated ad lib. Then they calm down.
PHILIP. Bully! Grandma's gone!
CHRISTOPHER. Ice cream!
ALL THE CHILDREN. More ice cream! Ice cream!
PHILIP. Let's see.
[MOLES hands him the ice cream dish.
CHRISTOPHER. [To PHILIP.] Can I have some more, or will it make me sick?
PHILIP. [Serves the children.] No, there's plenty. When there isn't enough, mamma always says it will make us sick.
CHRISTOPHER. And papa--when we have company unexpected, and there isn't enough of anything, papa always says F.H.B.
PHILIP. F.H.B.
ELAINE. Why?
CHRISTOPHER. He says it means Family Hold Back, and we all have to say "No, thank you," when it comes around! Do you like grandma, Phil?
PHILIP. Naw! Grandma's no good.
[MOLES goes out with the empty ice cream dish.
TOOTS. No good, grandma!
[A knock outside the door Left.
GEORGIANA. [Outside.] Hello! Hello!
PHILIP. [Delighted.] Aunt Georgiana!
ALL THE CHILDREN. Aunt Georgiana!
GEORGIANA. [Outside.] Is this a private room at Sherry's, or may an old maid aunt come in?
ALL. No! Yes! Come in--come on in!
[They clatter on the table with their spoons, and shout "Hurrah! Aunt Georgiana!" as GEORGIANA enters. She is a beautiful creature, about thirty, and in the very height of health and spirits--an American Beauty rose the moment before it opens. She is flushed after her quick walk in the bracing, sunshiny winter's day. No wonder the children--and others--adore her!
GEORGIANA. What a good time!
CHRISTOPHER. Oh, we're having the beautifulest time, Auntie!
PHILIP. Great!
ELAINE. Perfectly lovely!
TOOTS. Um! Ice cream! Lots!
GEORGIANA. That's good! Stuff all you can, Toots! Are you ready to cut the cake?
ALL THE CHILDREN. Yes! Yes!
PHILIP. We waited for you.
CHRISTOPHER. We wouldn't let grandma.
[GEORGIANA drops her furs on the sofa and then comes to the table.
GEORGIANA. There's a ring in it. Whoever gets it will be married in a year.
[Starts to cut the cake.
TOOTS. I want the ring!
PHILIP. Hush up, you're only a baby!
[A loud knock on the door Left.
GEORGIANA. Oh, yes, I forgot. Cousin Sam wants to wish you many happy returns, Philip. May he come in?
PHILIP. Pshaw! Another man!
CHRISTOPHER. [In a "stagewhisper" to ELAINE.] He's the one--auntie's sweetheart!
GEORGIANA. [Amused.] Nonsense, Christopher, that's silly talk. Stop that for good! [Loud knocks repeated. To PHILIP.] May Cousin Sam come in? [PHILIP nods.] All right, he's got some presents! Come in, Mr. Coast.
[COAST comes in and goes straight to PHILIP. SAM COAST is a tall, slender, but strong-looking man, rather "raw-boned." He is dressed most fashionably and most expensively,--over-dressed, in fact, and yet not too vulgarly. A man of muscle and nerve, who makes his own code and keeps his own counsel.
COAST. Shake, Phil.
[Shakes his hand.
PHILIP. [His hand hurt.] Golly! He can squeeze, can't