Handy Andy, vol 2 | Page 9

the bootjack, sir; only one o' the horns is gone, you see," and he
held up to view a rough piece of board with an angular slit in it, but one
of "the horns," as he called it, had been broken off at the top, leaving
the article useless.
"How dare you bring such a thing as _that_?" said the little man, in a
great rage.
"Why, sir, you ax'd for a bootjack, sure, and I brought you the best I
had--and it's not my fault it's bruk, so it is, for it wasn't me bruk it, but
Biddy batin' the cock."

"Beating the cock!" repeated the little man in surprise. "Bless me! beat
a cock with a bootjack!--what savages!"
"Oh, it's not the hen cock I mane, sir," said the gossoon, "but the beer
cock--she was batin' the cock into the barrel, sir, wid the bootjack, sir."
"That was decidedly wrong," said Murphy; "a bootjack is better suited
to a heel-tap than a full measure."
"She was tapping the beer, you mean?" said the little man.
"Faix, she wasn't tapping it at all, sir, but hittin' it very hard, she was,
and that's the way she bruk it."
"Barbarians!" exclaimed the little man; "using a bootjack instead of a
hammer!"
"Sure the hammer was gone to the priest, sir; bekase he wanted it for
the crucifixion."
"The crucifixion!" exclaimed the little man, horrified; "is it possible
they crucify people?"
"Oh no, sir!" said the gossoon, grinning, "it's the picthure I main, sir--
an illigant picthure that is hung up in the chapel, and he wanted a
hammer to dhrive the nails--"
"Oh, a picture of the crucifixion," said the little man.
"Yes, sure, sir--the alther-piece, that was althered for to fit to the place,
for it was too big when it came down from Dublin, so they cut off the
sides where the sojers was, bekase it stopt out the windows, and
wouldn't lave a bit o' light for his riverence to read mass; and sure the
sojers were no loss out o' the alther-piece, and was hung up afther in
the vesthery, and serve them right, the blackguards. But it was sore
agen our will to cut off the ladies at the bottom, that was cryin' and
roarin'; but great good luck, the head o' the Blessed Virgin was
presarved in the corner, and sure it's beautiful to see the tears runnin'

down her face, just over the hole in the wall for the holy wather--which
is remarkable."
The gossoon was much offended by the laughter that followed his
account of the altar-piece, which he had no intention of making
irreverential, and suddenly became silent, with a muttered "More
shame for yiz;" and as his bootjack was impracticable, he was sent off
with orders for the chamber- maid to supply bed candles immediately.
The party soon separated for their various dormitories, the little man
leaving sundry charges to call them early in the morning, and to be sure
to have hot water ready for shaving, and, without fail, to have their
boots polished in time and left at their room doors;--to all which
injunctions he severally received the answer of--"Certainly, sir;" and as
the bed-room doors were slapped-to, one by one, the last sound of the
retiring party was the snappish voice of the indefatigable little man,
shouting, ere he shut his door,--"Early--early--don't forget, Mistress
Kelly--_early!_"
A shake-down for Murphy in the parlour was hastily prepared; and
after Mrs. Kelly was assured by Murtough that he was quite
comfortable, and perfectly content with his accommodation, for which
she made scores of apologies, with lamentations it was not better, &c.,
&c., the whole household retired to rest, and in about a quarter of an
hour the inn was in perfect silence.
Then Murtough cautiously opened his door, and after listening for
some minutes, and being satisfied he was the only watcher under the
roof, he gently opened one of the parlour windows and gave the
preconcerted signal which he and Dick had agreed upon. Dick was
under the window immediately, and after exchanging a few words with
Murtough, the latter withdrew, and taking off his boots, and screening
with his hand the light of a candle he carried, he cautiously ascended
the stairs, and proceeded stealthily along the corridor of the dormitory,
where, from the chambers on each side, a concert of snoring began to
be executed, and at all the doors stood the boots and shoes of the
inmates awaiting the aid of Day and Martin in the morning. But, oh!
innocent calf-skins--destined to a far different fate-- not Day and

Martin, but Dick the Devil and Company are in wait for you. Murphy
collected as many as he could carry under his arms and descended with
them to the parlour